“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
Ok, so everyone has a testimony.
Everyone has a reason (or many reasons) why and how they came to Christ.
I like to say it’s their story, not their identity.
Most people have some rotten parts of their past, things they want more than anything to forget.
Through Jesus dying on the cross, we are saved! Praise God! He covered every one of our sins and made us pure, blameless, and holy.
It doesn’t mean the past never existed.
You can reconcile yourself with God and forgive yourself for things that you’ve done that you are ashamed with. You can recognize that God has forgiven you of that sin.
A lot of times, that shame never goes away.
You tell your testimony to people, but leave out the embarrassing stuff.
The stuff you’d like to forget.
You tell yourself, “OK God, we’ve worked through this, there’s no need to bring it up again. Let’s just leave that in the past.”
I feel like that’s when God’s says,
“Hold the phone. That is when I showed my greatest power. That story is a testament to the immense change I can make in a person’s life. Your greatest weakness is where I had my greatest compassion, faithfulness, and love in your life. That was MY victory. Not yours. Why do you think it’s your decision whether you can share that or not?”
It’s humbling right?
When you think about it, God has created everything in your life. Every blessing, gift, treasure that you’ve ever received from Him…your very life….They are HIS.
Paul says he will boast even more about his weaknesses so that the power of Christ will rest upon him. He was willing to throw away his pride and every other selfish thought and preach about his embarrassing, wretched past so that the Lord would be glorified.
I can’t even fathom how blessed I am that God helped me get over rough things in my life. I can’t even remember what it’s like to live without the fullness of God. I can’t praise my Daddy enough for the change He’s made in this little life of mine.
Alright, so it would be kind of hypocritical to end this without giving you part of my testimony that I no longer have shame about because of the forgiveness of God.
So here you go. Here’s my heart. Do with it what you will, but please don’t think I overcame any of this on my own. It’s all to the glory of God that I am saved, changed, and made whole.
I used to struggle with depression. Because of it, I had the lowest self-esteem you could imagine. I felt incredibly worthless, useless, and shameful. I was never my true self around people because I had no doubt that no one would ever love me as I was.
I couldn’t stand the sight of myself, couldn’t bear the person I was on the inside and especially the outside.
I struggled with eating disorders for four years. I used to cut myself and hurt myself. I was always angry at myself and the disgusting, stupid person that I was.
I could never accept a single compliment and refused every person who tried to reach out to me and show me the girl I truly was.
I can’t tell you what happened that changed my heart.
I don’t remember a definite time when I stopped feeling all this heaviness on my heart.
But I can tell you WHO changed everything.
Jesus Christ had enough with me destroying the life He had created for greater things. He stepped in and started bringing me up and out of my misery. He put the most amazing people in my life who spoke incredibly truth and life into me. It was the biggest struggle, trying to block out every thought that satan put into my mind.
But God always finishes what He starts. He always makes good on His promises. He never left me stranded.
I can tell you today that I feel beautiful. I feel beautiful because of the things God is working in me. He makes me flawless because I love people with HIS love. He loves that my heart is for people, He loves when I worship Him with my whole heart, and He loves when I pray passionately to Him.
I can’t tell you how hard it is to initially start that process of letting people in on the VICTORY God has proclaimed over your life.
It’s really hard.
The first time I could actually voice aloud and believe that I was beautiful was in January 2012, during my training camp for my trip to Nicaragua.
Every time it gets easier though. It truly does. It becomes more natural to proclaim the goodness of God and little by little you just want to, NEED to share that amazing greatness with everyone you meet.
I am just learning every day how much my life is truly NOT MY OWN. It’s all God’s, and I am just His steward of it all, trying my hardest to faithfully use it wisely and to His glory.
So that’s it. That’s my blog for today. And I was serious about the piglet thing.
Hey, let me know what I can be praying for you about this week! And if you need a guinea pig, (HAHA PIGS AGAIN) you know, someone to try out talking about those awful, awkward testimony stories on, I’m your lady. Just send me a message on Facebook or shoot me a text.
Te Amo Con Todo Mi Corazon!