Living Water/Agua Viva

Let me explain my personality, and maybe you can relate:

Ever since I can remember (and my parents tell me I was like this from the moment I was born), I fight to get what I want. If there’s something I want to go after, there is no convincing me that I won’t get it if I work hard enough. This has it’s redeeming qualities – I fight for what I love and don’t give up when things get tough, I go after things that frighten me just to conquer them, and I’ve accomplished things out of pure determination not to fail. I compete with myself constantly to show that I can be bigger and better.

However.

When there are obstacles in my life that I truly can’t do anything about, when I can’t convince someone of what I think they need to know or feel, and when situations are completely out of my control to change, I get frustrated and defeated. I feel like I’ve failed.

I go hard and I go fast, and my entire life I’ve been an intense person. As fierce as I love, failure is just as earth shattering.

When I come to road blocks in the places of my life where I want to continue, it’s very hard for me to accept. I feel drained, spent, burnt out. I put all my energy into something, and all my energy  isn’t enough.

Does anyone else feel this way?

These past couple weeks I have been doing some heavy reflection on my heart and from where I’m drawing energy to go so hard at the main challenges of my life right now. Why have I felt so insufficient lately?

I was reading John 4 and it jumped out at me so obviously that I couldn’t miss it.

Jesus has such a kind and gentle way of explaining these huge mysteries to us, that I think sometimes they seem so simple that we don’t look for the big message He’s trying to get to us. In John 4, He explains to a woman at the well that the water He offers, living water, is so much better than anything she could get from that ordinary well. He says,
“Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life.”

I have my own personal well inside me. I draw from my own strength and energy and reservoir of love, and sometimes, I hit the bottom of the well and it’s completely dry. Many times, I am stretching out that last bucket of water and making every drop count.
I am left feeling hurt, because I wasn’t enough.
I’m tired of loving, because what I give from my own well is my personal supply, and I’m doling it out bucket after bucket.

Someone asked me a few weeks ago what my purpose in life was, what did I feel called to do with my one life.
My first instinct was to say, “Help people!”, because that’s what makes me feel useful. I love feeling useful.
But a few days ago, God asked me if I remembered what He first told me years ago when I was starting to ask Him what He wanted me to do with my life.
And I remembered that what He told me He created me for wasn’t to “help” people.
I was called to love. To love and to love and to love and to pour out even more love, and through that God was going to work in His way and in His time.

Truthfully, no one needs my help. It’s impossible for me to “fix” anyone. But what everyone needs is love and grace. Once you start to love someone and see them as God does, it’s easy to see how you can be useful in their life.

The past couple years I have been drawing from my very limited supply of love. I’ve tried to love people my way and with the few resources I have. That love has an end to it, a limit that I seem to reach over and over again.

So this week God has been gently reminding me to draw from His well that He provides me. He has been inviting me to drink of His living water until that well becomes a part of me and I never feel thirsty again. He’s encouraging me to love on people but not from what I think I can give them. He’s showing me that when I draw from His unending supply of living water, love doesn’t have to hurt, it doesn’t have to drain me, and it can be the most beautiful, liberating thing.


Permítanme explicar mi personalidad, y tal vez puedes identificarse:

Desde que puedo recordar (y mis padres me dicen que yo era así desde el momento en que nací), yo he luchado para conseguir lo que quiero. Si hay algo que deseo, no me puedes convencer de que no lo conseguiré si lucho lo suficiente. Esto tiene sus cualidades redentoras – lucho por lo que amo y no me rindo cuando las cosas se ponen difíciles, enfrento las cosas que me asustan sólo para conquistarlas, y he logrado metas solo por la pura determinación de no fallar. Compito constantemente con mi misma para demostrar que puedo ser más grande y mejor.

Sin embargo…

Cuando no puedo hacer nada con algunos obstáculos en mi vida, cuando no puedo convencer a alguien de lo que creo que necesitan comprender o sentir, y cuando las situaciones están fuera de mi control para cambiar, me siento frustrada y derrotada. Siento que he fallado.

Voy duro y voy rápido, y toda mi vida he sido una persona intensa. La intensidad con que demuestro amor es la misma con que caigo cuando fallo.

Cuando llego a las barricadas de la vida en lugares donde quiero seguir, es muy difícil para mí aceptar que me tengo que detener. Me siento agotada, gastada, quemada. Pongo toda mi energía en algo, y toda mi energía no es suficiente.

¿Alguien más se siente así?

Estas últimas semanas he estado haciendo una pesada reflexión en mi corazón y de donde estoy sacando energía para trabajar tan duro en los desafíos de mi vida en este momento. ¿Por qué me he sentido tan insuficiente últimamente?

Estaba leyendo a Juan 4 y lo que encontré se me hizo tan obvio que no podía perderlo.

Jesús tiene una manera tan amable y gentil de explicar los enormes misterios para nosotros. Creo que a veces parecen tan simples que no buscamos el gran mensaje que Él está tratando de ayudarnos entender. En Juan 4, Él explica a una mujer en un pozo que el agua que Él ofrece, agua viva, es mucho mejor que cualquier agua que pudiera obtener de ese pozo ordinario. Él dice,

“Cualquiera que beba de esta agua volverá a tener sed, pero el que beba del agua que yo le dé, no volverá a tener sed jamas, porque dentro de él esa agua se convertirá en un manantial del que brotará vida eterna.”

Tengo un pozo personal dentro de mí. Saco de ese pozo mi propia fuerza, energía y amor, y a veces toco el fondo del pozo y está completamente seco. Muchas veces, quiero utilizar la última gota de agua en miles de cosas.

Me siento mal, porque no soy suficiente.
Estoy cansada de amar, porque lo que doy de mi propio pozo es mi provisión personal, y lo estoy gastando balde tras balde.

Alguien me preguntó hace unas semanas cuál era mi propósito en la vida, qué era lo que me sentía llamada a hacer con mi única vida.
Mi primer instinto fue decir, “Ayuda a la gente!”, Porque eso es lo que me hace sentir útil. Me encanta sentir útil.

Pero hace unos días, Dios me preguntó si recordaba lo que Él me dijo hace años cuando yo estaba comenzando a preguntarle qué quería que hiciera con mi vida.

Y recordé que la llamada no fue simplemente para “ayudar” a la gente.

Me llamó para amar. Amar y amar y amar y derramar aún más amor, y por medio de eso Dios iba a trabajar a Su manera y en Su tiempo.

La verdad, nadie necesita mi ayuda. Es imposible que yo “arregle” a alguien. Pero lo que todo el mundo necesita es amor y gracia. Una vez que empiezas a amar a alguien y verlo como Dios lo ve, es fácil entender cómo puedes ser útil en su vida.

Los últimos dos años he estado sacando de mi muy limitado reservorio de amor. He tratado de amar a la gente a mi manera y con los pocos recursos que tengo. Ese amor tiene un fin, un límite donde llego una y otra vez.

Esta semana, Dios me ha estado recordando suavemente a sacar del pozo que Él provee. Él me ha estado invitando a beber de Su agua viva hasta que ese pozo se convierta en un manantial dentro de mí y nunca volveré a sentir sed. Me anima a amar a la gente, pero no con lo que creo que puedo darles. Él me está mostrando que cuando yo saco de Su provisión interminable de agua viva, no tengo que sentir lastimada cuando demuestro amor, no tengo que sentir agostada, y puede ser la cosa más hermosa y liberadora.

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Have it all/Tenga todo (English/Español)

(Después en español)

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When children hurt themselves, often they go running to their parents, tears streaming down their faces as they cry for help and healing.
Other children get hurt, and they hide it. They know that the scrape they have on their knee, the twisted ankle that is starting to swell, they know that it’s going to hurt more to get better. They are the too wise for their years children, the ones that don’t have that shiny bright new innocence still planted in their hearts.
So they hide the hurt. They hide the dirt filled scrape that needs cleaning and the bones that need setting.
And it gets worse.
And their parents ask the child to show them what’s wrong, because a parent always knows.
But they hide, because they know it needs to feel worse to feel better.
The parents can work with the child and give them medicine for the pain, but they can’t get to the root of the problem if the child doesn’t offer that hurt part to them and allow them to heal it. The child will never fully heal if the messy, painful part isn’t taken care of.
•••
We are children, you guys. We know perfectly well that God can heal and restore us and put us back together to be whole.
But we are too wise, and we know it will hurt first to get better, so we refuse to show him the worst parts of ourselves and offer them to be healed.
This is the sacrifice God desires. He doesn’t want perfect performance, He doesn’t want a fake version of ourselves that we put on to hide our deepest faults.
He desires that place in your heart that’s been stored away maybe all your life. He wants the thing that makes you cry and scream at night because you can’t control it.
He wants the most vulnerable parts of you that you can’t fix on your own and you never will.
Only when you give him your worst can he begin the process to heal you.
Only when you decide to let him have what you most want to hold on to can He redeem you wholly and completely.


Cuando los niños se lastiman, la mayoría van corriendo y llorando a sus padres, caras llenas de lagrimas, buscando ayuda.
Otros niños se lastiman y lo esconden. Ellos saben que el raspado en la rodilla, el tobillo doblado que empieza a inflamar, saben que esas cosas duelen primero para después sentir mejor. Son los niños que son demasiado viejos por sus años, los que ya no tienen esa nueva y brillante inocencia sembrada en su corazón.
Así que, esconden su dolor. Esconden la tierra incrustada en el raspado que ocupa limpieza, y los huesos que necesitan ser fijados.
Y las cosas se empeoran.
Y los padres piden que el niño enseñe su herida, porque los padres siempre saben qué hay algo mal.
Pero lo esconden, porque saben que primero tiene que doler más para sentir mejor.
Los padres pueden hacer algunas cosas con el niño, le puede dar un analgésico para el dolor, pero no pueden llegar a la raíz del problema si el niño no ofrece esa parte lastimada a ellos y dejarlos sanarla. El niño nunca va a sanar completamente si no deja que le sanen la parte dolorosa y terrible.
•••
Amigos, nosotros somos niños. Perfectamente bien sabemos que Dios puede sanar y restaurar y arreglarnos para ser personas completas.
Pero somos demasiados sabios, y sabemos que primero va a doler para poder sentir mejor después, entonces rechazamos mostrarle las peores partes de nosotros y rechazamos la oportunidad de ser sanados.
Y este es el sacrificio Dios desea; Él no desea un desempeño perfecto, no desea una versión falsa de nosotros que ponemos para esconder nuestras fallas más profundas.
Él desea el lugar en tu corazón que ha sido guardado tal vez toda tu vida. Él quiere la cosa que te hace llorar y gritar en la noche porque no la puedes controlar.
Él quiere las partes más vulnerables de ti que tú no puedes arreglar solo y nunca podrás.
Solo cuando das lo peor de ti, Él puede empezar el proceso para sanarte.
Solo cuando decides dejarle tener lo que más quieres guardar para ti mismo Él puede redimirte completamente y enteramente.

The Best Ministry Moment Yet

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Last night was one of the most rewarding ministry moments of my entire life.
This past weekend we took a group of over 30 people (mostly youth ages 14-27) to a retreat/conference with the new church we are helping to plant and minister in.
To be completely honest, the weekend started off slightly uncomfortable, with much of the ministry being something I’m not used to.
I think what changed it for me was seeing the youth we brought having encounters with the Lord that were ROCKING their world.
Youth that were either new Christians or not Christians at all.
Youth that were using drugs every day,
youth who worked with a gang,
youth who had been abused by their family,
youth who had so much hate and resentment in their hearts,
youth who are desperately searching for love in all the wrong places.
They came back changed in a way I have never seen before in my entire life, and I’ve been going to church since I was a baby.

Everyone says, and the truth is that it usually happens: That people, and especially youth, will come back from a retreat on a spiritual high, and it won’t last. They’ll just go back to the same habits and life they were living before.

I chose and am choosing every day to believe and pray that this will not happen with our new warriors.

Last night we had our first church service since coming back from the retreat.
Our usual attendance is never more than 20 people on a good night, and Mario’s family makes up the majority.
Last night we had over 50 people attend.
And they weren’t people that had just heard about our church…they were family, friends, acquaintances, and neighbors of all the youth that went on the retreat.
They brought their mothers who at one time had said they don’t love them, their siblings that they had denied for years, their children who had never seen the inside of a church building, and their neighbors that they had gossiped about and laughed at.

Their faces are changed. There’s an actual physical change in their appearances and the way they carry themselves.
They couldn’t stop smiling, the mouths were full of AMENs and GOD BLESS YOUs.
They had been watching the whole retreat how the leaders would be the first to lay hands on those who need prayers, the first ones to start singing and lifting their hands up to heaven, the first to help and support the pastor with whatever the Lord put on his heart.
As the message ended and we entered into a time of worship and prayer, and an invitation to be a part of this revolution, our warriors took on their new roles without anyone telling them what to do. They worshiped the Lord with all their hearts but kept an eye on the others, scurrying over to someone who was crying to lift their hands up and pray blessings over their soul.

I was humbled beyond words. Youth that I, before, would have never even dreamed about even inviting to church stood in front of the congregation and told their testimonies of how God changed their hearts. In front of everyone they asked their families to forgive them, they asked to be held accountable to not return to their past, and they declared their commitments to the Lord.
They cried as their siblings that they had invited stepped forward and accepted the challenge of living for Christ.

It was incredible.

Afterward, the pastor got the youth together and we went to three houses to pray for families that the Lord had put on the pastor’s heart. That was a whole OTHER experience.
These youth were not all friends before the retreat. Some of them were even enemies. They had some serious beef with each other.
But the last day of the retreat, and from then on, that hate and resentment was banished from our group.
Walking down the roads of Porvenir, everyone was holding hands, and telling each other I LOVE YOU and I CARE ABOUT YOU and WHAT’S WRONG and WE’LL PRAY ABOUT THAT!
After prayer, we had a meeting and the pastor explained what the next few weeks would look like.
We are so passionate that this fire will not be put out.
These warriors have their schedule, their jobs, and their responsibilities. I truly think structure and taking ownership will be the keys to not losing the “spiritual high”.

I NEED YOUR PRAYERS!

More than ever these guys need prayers. God took them out of some HEAVY stuff, and it could be so easy to return.
If you’ve been a Christian for any amount of time, you know that although many things become more easier after letting God take control of your life, the devil comes in SO strong to tempt and destroy and take back what he thinks is his.

Help me in proclaiming DELIVERANCE and REDEMPTION over these new lives and for the Holy Spirit to transform their minds and old ways of thinking.
Pray for their unity, and for the direction the group should go in.

Pray for our church building! The one we don’t have yet!
Right now we’re meeting at Mario’s house, and we don’t fit anymore. There aren’t enough chairs or space.
We’re looking at a couple of properties, but we also need the Lord to provide the funds.

You guys.
I am SO EXCITED.
I am SO HONORED to be part of something so extraordinary.

Thank you thank you thank you for helping me with your prayers and financial support to be able to live here and experience the Kingdom of God in new ways every single day!

********

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Where’s The Line?

I’m curious to get the opinion of other missionaries in foreign countries. Or really anyone, but I think that certain group of people will understand a little better this whole thought process.

***

As we all know, moving to a different country and settling into a new lifestyle brings BIG changes. You’re adapting to a different culture, learning a new language, and meeting tons of people with their own attitudes and ideas.

The biggest change is learning how some things that work in the US (or wherever you’re from), things you’ve used your entire life…they may not be what’s best for the new culture you’re living in!
This is a very important lesson to learn, and crucial if you’re earnestly seeking to integrate yourself into your new environment.

When it comes to ministry, I really believe in partnering with local churches and missions – learning from them and using their influence in the area to introduce yourself into the community. I just think it’s so essential to glean wisdom from local pastors, leaders, and church members about how this particular culture views Christianity, missionaries, worship, evangelism….and where they stand as far as rules and boundaries.

Now, hang on with me as I go on a little tangent:

I am 100% on board and completely agree with the opinion that, once we make the decision to use our lives to glorify God, we give up certain aspects of our personal pleasure. Life isn’t about ME ME ME anymore. God wants joy to fill my soul and for me to take pleasure in the world He’s created for me, but He is also sure of the fact that He is the provider of that joy. I can pour out all day long, give everything I have, choose compassion over being right…I can do all these things through Christ who strengthens me. He is the secret to being content. There is a lot of selfishness that needs to be sacrificed if I want to experience true joy. I need to give up temporary happiness to settle into the contentedness of true joy that is found in God alone.

That all being said, there are certain things that bring me happiness that I don’t personally feel are wrong. For example, after moving to Central America, I found out that I LOVE, but I mean absolutely LOVE Latin dancing. It’s a great challenge, good exercise, and it’s SO. MUCH. FUN. Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Cumbia, Lambada…I want to learn it all!

However, in the majority of churches and Christian communities here, dancing (unless it’s Praise/Worship dance) is a sin.

Katlyn and I have made a lot of compromises here in Porvenir in regards to our personal lives. Since we are starting a brand new Christian ministry, we want to make sure we get off on the right foot in this town. We want respect and credibility, and that comes with the people here seeing with their own eyes that we are being good examples and being who we say we are.
We know that when we chose this direction for our lives, that meant giving up a lot of our right to doing what we want, when we want, how we want.
In this particular culture, it means no drinking, no dancing, no secular music, and paying close attention to the way we dress, among a few other things.
Our image is one of the biggest tools we have to incite partnership, help, and support for our ministry.

I’m not going to lie, it is HARD sometimes, and we are by no means perfect. There are things we are used to being acceptable in the States that just are not and have never been here in Honduras.

However, the RULES and REGULATIONS in the churches here are sometimes waaayyy out there. Not to mention that, basically, if you commit any of these “sins”, you’re not actually a Christian, and many times you’re shunned in your church. Guidelines that the Lord put in place to help us experience the goodness of a pure and holy life have turned into heavy, heavy chains that weigh many people down. These chains scare off a good amount of people who really need a Savior that they can trust implicitly and who will love them unconditionally. They make good people feel like failures, and turn kind people into judgmental pharisees with hearts of stone.

This is a whole other issue that desperately needs prayer and change, but that’s another topic for another day.

What I am trying to get at is that there are positives and negatives to every church and every culture’s individual views on Christianity. So where do we as missionaries in a different culture draw the line between:

– respecting and learning from this new culture’s Christian community while also maintaining a good image so that we have credibility in our ministry.

AND,

– speaking our minds about our personal beliefs, trying to fight against the chains of legalism.
Compassionately sharing our hearts and what the Lord has taught us about His grace and mercy.
Doing things that may be against the “rules” but is something you don’t feel personally convicted by and isn’t a sin in the Bible, to try and promote freedom in the Lord.

Will it make a difference even if you have all the right scriptures and proof to prove your point?
Is it worth it to shut up about your personal beliefs if it means the churches respecting you more?
When is it wise to pick and choose battles?

I know there is a happy medium out there.
Like I said, Katlyn and I have been trying to be really cautious in our actions and words, and have chosen to give some things up in order to stop gossip and be respected.
Sometimes it drives me crazy when I want to explain stuff like….how music for me is a spiritual thing, whether it’s blatantly talking about the Lord or not.

I hope I’m somewhat clearly getting across this conflict I’ve been feeling in my heart lately.

I truly am content here, I love this life, but every big change takes getting used to, it doesn’t happen overnight, and I don’t think I will understand everything even after years of living here.
I’m just praying for wisdom for each day that comes.
What can I do in each moment so that my life is a good example of a great God?

I think there is only so much that one person can do about their image until they need to step back and say, “Okay God, you take it from here.”
Or maybe our hands should’ve been open the whole time.

All I know is that God has been preparing my heart for this my entire life, and He’s been preparing the hearts of the people we’ll come into contact with this ministry for their entire lives. He’s planned this all from the beginning of time, and He’ll see it all through to completion.
I can have complete and total faith that it’s in His hands, and He’ll guide every step as we go.
Please be praying for us that we’ll have open eyes and ears to the wisdom He wants to give us in all the decisions we make in our personal lives and in the creation of Finding Hope.

So, prayer would be lovely, but like I said, I would really love to hear y’all’s opinions on all of this! Sorry as always for my ramble-y thoughts and the jumbled way it all comes out.

Got any verses that talk about any of this? Anything the Lord’s putting on your heart to share?
Please comment or send me an e-mail at haillekrieg@gmail.com

Thanks for taking the time to read and spend a few minutes in the mind of an over-thinking, recovering people-pleaser who is Haille Krieg.

Much love!!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Falling into the Depths, into Infinity

The thing about love, or any other feeling really…

If you’ve never experienced it, you don’t understand it.

There are complexities that you can’t even begin to know to include in your expectations.

There are depths,
OH THE DEPTHS.

There are layers….so many layers.

The changes of the heart,
The countless emotions.

***

My understanding of God started so simply, as all great loves do.

He was righteous, powerful, mighty, just, loving…

There were ways to include Him in my life, to let Him be a part of my human experience.

There was my everyday God, the knowledge of something greater above me, around me, inside me. Something looking out for my good and holding my life in His hands.
I was aware of His presence.

I also had a God who touched me at times, squeezed my heart a little tighter than I was used to. This brought tears sometimes, an emotional tearing down of self-built walls.
Spiritual highs…as they like to say at Bible camp.

There were the two experiences.
The two sides of God.
The two levels I could feel.

But there had to be more to be felt.

As I spent time intentionally inviting the Spirit to come and show me the Father’s heart, the undoing began.

I thought He was a finite God…I thought He could be contained in the walls of my understanding.

I never knew I could be loved in so many ways, forms, and fashions.
I never knew I could be so excited to see what new way the Lord was going to show me His heart.

The experiences that I have been opening myself up to lately have been absolutely rocking my world. Shaking the very earth beneath my feet.

I’m almost a little ashamed to say I’m just now realizing how much I don’t understand the infiniteness of God’s love.
How very simple.
How very quaint.

The deepness of ABBA is immense.
I feel like I could drown in it.
And I think that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

I’m working on taking down the barriers of my expectations of God, the things holding me back from letting Him be infinite, and letting Him in His timing show me each layer.

He is vast, and large, and impossible to contain.

My union with Him is the greatest, most marvelous treasure I’ve ever wanted and had as my own.

***

The dream of my heart that I’ve been praying over these past few months is to become a person Pure of Heart.
I want to naturally want things of the Lord.
I want it to be easy to want to be a genuinely good person.

And I think,
the way that God is transforming me, little piece by little piece,
is by covering me in His bigness.
Overcoming me with His presence.
Opening my mind to the infinite.
Guiding me into a place of losing myself for all that He is.

Oh, the Wonder of it all.

hallelujah.

I’ve been warned against the “Health and Wealth” gospel so many times.

Basically, that just because I live a holy life and do the right things,  it doesn’t mean that everything will work out for me and be great.

I’ve tried to be really cautious against unconsciously living with this mindset – expecting things to be perfect once I change my life and stop sinning in the areas where I’m weak.

So I have this in my mind, and sometimes I want to test myself with it. Like, I want to do the right thing, and have none of my problems change, and see if I can stand it…see if my faith falters or stands strong.

Sometimes, I find myself far from the Lord, or giving into some weakness, or I haven’t spent intentional time seeking His guidance and being in His presence. Once I get it back together and find myself on the right path again, I almost always end up with some real, material, visible blessings.

It’s actually kind of crazy. I haven’t really understood it until now.

It made me think that maybe the Health and Wealth thing wasn’t so far off.

BUT.
This morning.
Jesus really spoke to my heart about my awareness of His favor.

I think…
What my individual, personal issue is…
Is that during these times that I’m not intentionally spending time to soak, soar, and seek in and with the Holy Spirit…when I’m not consciously in communion with my Abba…
I am not aware of His CONTINUAL favor and blessings in my life.

Once I get straight with Him, I see so much clearer the areas where He is touching my life.

It’s not that the blessings come only when I’m seeking Him,
They are always there, I’m just not looking for them or seeing them.

Does that kind of make sense?

In short, I am an oblivious human being. I need to constantly be in communication and relationship with Jesus to have His eyes.
His eyes that are going to show me His new mercies, grace, love gifts, presence, beauty, and power that are all present in every day of my life.

Lesson learned?
I need more Jesus.
Always.
Forever.

Wishing peace, love, and adventures in your lives, Friends.
HAILLE OUT

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This revelation came while I was spending time listening to the entirety of Steffany Gretzinger’s new album The Undoing. She is my musical soulmate, saying every unspoken word that’s in my heart with musicality that is straight from the heavens. She writes music and worships in every single way that I would want to. 
Take an hour out of your day to just revel in the beauty of the Lord with this album as your soundtrack. Watch as the Lord’s favor surrounds you and breathes new life into your day. It is vulnerable, intimate, and breathtaking. Consider buying it and supporting this amazing artist!
And listen to it HERE.

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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Heading into month 3 of living here in El Porvenir, I am getting a more of a feel for this town and starting to look for ways that God wants to use Finding Hope here in this community. Since Katlyn has been here for so long, she has lots of great relationships and friendships that I get to be a part of and share in. Our focus is mostly with women, so we get to hear many stories of their lives and individual situations.

I love them. I love each and every one of their precious hearts and beautiful faces. They are full of life and love, beauty and pain, light and darkness, and so many unique character qualities and traits. Having an opportunity to provide for their families by making and selling bracelets through Finding Hope is giving them power and control over their lives to make choices and decisions, and this gives them a small sense of freedom. It’s an amazing thing to see, and I attribute most of it to the dream the Lord placed on Katlyn’s heart to help these women in a real and effective way.

Since I moved here, Katlyn and I have been discussing and dreaming up ways to make a positive impact on this community once the Women and Children’s Center is built. We are so blessed that God has given us very similar hearts for Central America and desires and hopes that line up almost exactly. As I’ve mentioned before, once the Center is built, we will have facilities for teaching the beading and bracelet-making, sewing classes, women’s bible studies, a feeding center, a daycare, and whatever else the Lord puts on our hearts. We believe this will be a great outreach to the community, a place to connect and do life together, somewhere safe and trustworthy.

We’re making some serious headway with construction, having just finished the bathrooms and getting ready to pour floors in, and hopefully having 3 rooms built by November. Even though it’s not finished, we’ve been praying for something bigger.

See, a lot of conversations we have with women here about their lives are very similar – they got pregnant at an early age, if the guy didn’t run away they moved in with him, he started abusing them, they can’t leave because they don’t have work and can’t find it without skills, and that’s what life is. It’s accepted and women settle for being under-valued, under-appreciated, lonely, and abused.
We were talking to one woman this past week who was telling us her story, which was very much like ones we’ve heard before, and she summed it up for all the women we’ve listened to with this phrase:
“So, this is how my life is now. It’s complicated.”

It broke my heart. She is unhappy with the man she’s living with right now, for valid reasons, but she couldn’t leave him even if she wanted to. She has 2 young children – 2 years and 1 month old – and doesn’t live anywhere near to her immediate family. She can’t get work anywhere to provide for her kids if she wanted to move out, and she wouldn’t be able to leave with such a small children at home anyway.
We can spend all day talking to her about how she should just press on, that things will work out eventually, that we’re praying for her, that we’ll come visit as often as we can…but the truth is, I’m not completely sure that her situation will change. We can disciple her and give her the hope of Jesus and his grace and forgiveness, but her husband might continue to abuse her.

We want to be able to do something bigger and more meaningful than just talk.

Our dream for Finding Hope is to be able to build a second floor onto the Center for women and children in abusive and dangerous situations. We want to make a safe place for them to feel secure and loved, a place where they can get on their feet and figure out the next steps.

It’s a big dream! We’re not even finished with the first floor, but we want to start praying about how powerfully God can use this building. There are so many logistics to think about and money to raise, and we realize it’s probably a ways into the future.
But we want to ask every person who reads this blog, thinks about Finding Hope, prays for our lives and this town, and is involved in any way to join us in dreaming more HOPE into El Porvenir.

And during the process of building everything, making new connections, and raising funds, please be thinking about and praying for these women who don’t have any other option but to settle.
They are real women with real stories and real lives. Mothers, sisters, wives, aunts, and daughters who are strong, powerful, influential, who love fiercely and live with passion.

“Speak out on behalf of those who have no voice,
and defend all those who have been passed over.
Open your mouth, judge fairly,
and stand up for the rights of the 
afflicted and poor.”

Proverbs 31:8-9

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Thoughts on Leadership

These last couple years have held some of the biggest trust lessons I’ve ever grown from.

God is constantly teaching me to not need a reason or explanation…but just to trust Him implicitly. If He says go, I go. If He says stay, I stay. It’s all about the obedience aspect.

One way that He is helping me understand my relationship with Him is by putting leaders in my life and asking me to serve them with my whole heart and with a joyful spirit.

To be completely honest, I have always struggled with authority figures. I have always had this pride that makes me think that I am right, and that I know best.

After making several mistakes where I have really disregarded authority and blamed them for so many of my own problems, God broke down that barrier in a very painful way.

 

I have been on both sides of leadership. Surprisingly, I like being on the servant side a lot more.

See, being a leader requires that you have a very heavy responsibility.

People – real live humans – depend on you. You answer to their problems, their issues, their ugliness, their beauty, their hearts. And it’s HARD. You will always have someone who doubts you, disapproves of your actions/life, or openly mocks you.

 

If there is one thing I could share that you would remember, it is this:
Encourage your leaders, and give them a break!

 

Hebrews 13:17 (ESV) says,

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

 

There is no advantage to us tearing down our leaders and talking badly about them behind their backs. Does that encourage them to lead us better and with more joy and patience?

Truly good leaders answer to God, and God alone. They are not here to be all that you want them to be. If God has trusted them with leadership, He trusts their judgment and discernment.

 

One example I have is of two women that I love and adore with all my heart. Their names are Lisa and Cadence, and they work in Nicaragua as missionaries, heading up a student sponsorship program.

Since I lived with them for more than a year, I saw all the hard work they put into their job and how little they are recognized for it. Lisa and Cadence work long, sometimes 14-hour days, tirelessly speaking with families, writing sponsor updates, handing out school supplies, having hard conversations with kids, tutoring kids, and pouring their hearts out to the community. They have put their lives into this program and setting up the poverty-stricken communities of Candelaria, Santa Matilde, Nuevo Amanecer, and La Isla for success by putting their children in school and promoting education.

The communities have a great love for these two women, and show their gratitude in so many beautiful ways. However, I have seen the ugly side of people as well when they feel as though they know best how sponsorship money should be used.
If they put themselves in Lisa’s and Cadence’s shoes, they would not want the load of work, the ungratefulness, the responsibility, and the long hours.
Even after being lied to, shouted at, dead-tired, and also, I will add, raising financial support to do what they do, these women continue to build and grow this program because they have had a calling to this ministry.
And I know they forget all of the negativity when they get to make those visits to tell a child and their family that they’ve received a sponsor. I’ve been on those visits, and I feel like crying every time I see it happen. The JOY that flows when you tell someone that a person from thousands of miles away saw their picture on the internet and saw something special that they just HAD to support…it is magnificently beautiful.

 

It is incredible how much someone believing in you can do to your self-esteem. When someone believes in you, your soul gets set on fire and you believe that anything is possible. That you can change the world. That God isn’t crazy in His love for you and hope for the best for your life.

 

We as humans are better as a team than a single individual.

 

The Lord already holds leaders to a high standard and they answer to Him.

Our job as servants and followers, members of an organization or congregation is to SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE.

 

Instead of criticizing your leader, encourage them in love. You probably have no idea the amount of work and responsibility they have. You probably don’t know how many people want to talk to them and give their opinion.

 

Spread peace.

Be kind.

Love with your whole heart.

 

Follow Lisa and Cadence’s blogs:

Lisa – http://lisasmith.myadventures.org/

Cadence – http://cadencesnyder.wordpress.com/

 

Sponsor a student through Educate Nica for $25 a month:

http://educatenica.org/

pensamientos.

I always want to blog only when I have something to talk about.
But I’m finding that I really need to just start writing, writing about something, nothing, anything…whatever will start the creativity.

So.
I guess I’ll talk a little bit about the things I’ve been thinking about lately.

  • Love. The lack thereof.
    I find it hard to describe my depression when I see relationships that are killing the souls of two people. I saw it so much in Nicaragua. I feel like there is just no heart connection. People get together because of attraction, or because they’re having a baby together, or because they need someone to provide for them.
    Fidelity was not even a concept to be grasped.
    My heart ached especially for the women, who are used and abused, expected everything of and given nothing.
    Countless times, after saying I’d rather just stay single than be with a man who cheats on me, I was told it was non-existent. That I was crazy thinking that and that I would never find anyone like that.
    How tragic to grow up knowing that’s what you have to look forward to.

    But is it really any better here in the States?
    There is just so much STUFF here that takes the place of time you could be spending with your love.
    And here, I’ve seen so much dissatisfaction. So much giving up after it gets hard. Because “you come first, you are your first priority.”

    So I guess I’m seeing the two extremes, women who are so selfless they let everyone take advantage of it and get trampled to pieces, and women who are so selfish, it’s not worth it to them to fight for hard things.

    Honestly, it makes me cringe to think of committing my life to one single thing. And if it’s just going to be one of these unhappy places, why?

  • Commitment.
    Jesus is teaching me a lot about committing to one single thing and not forgetting about it or leaving it behind as I experience new things every day.
    Specifically in my relationship with Him.

    I’m still trying to figure out how to love Him and praise Him in new ways with every sunrise.
    I know that this is such a mindset of youth, but I wonder if I will ever get bored of it and how I will ever keep things full of passion and life.
    I depend on myself so much in all relationships to be the do-er, to make sure that things aren’t getting dull. It’s stressful.

    He keeps reminding me to shut off my mind and just look with baby eyes at His creation and the little blessings He brings to my hands. He wants to fan the flame of my faith without doing the easy thing and just giving me the black and white truth.
    I think it delights Him when I figure it out on my own and take time to discover His majesty and intricate nature.

  • Faith. Hope.
    “Faith is the assurance of things you have hoped for, the absolute conviction that there are realities you’ve never seen.” – Hebrews 11:1

    It is so easy for me to view hardships and difficult times, depression and anxiety, fears…to see them as punishment for my unwilling heart. I believe I am suffering because I’m not good enough and I’m not doing it right.

    “I will erase their sins and wicked acts out of My memory as though they had never existed.
    When there is forgiveness such as this, there is no longer any need to make an offering for sin.” – Hebrews 10:16-17

    Because of the new covenant, I am set free to accept forgiveness for what I’ve done and hope for a better future. I do not need to feel punished, because that’s not the reality of what’s happening.
    I don’t want to be stuck in one moment, feeling sorry for myself and inflicting damage to my soul out of shame. I want to have faith and hope that the reason I’m passing through hard times is because the Lord is shaping me, growing me, teaching me how to be more like Him.
    He is teaching me to be selfless, to obey Him and authority, and to believe in hope, believe that all things happen for a reason, and believe that things can change.

  • Being me.
    Just because everyone around me thinks a certain way, feels a certain way, and acts a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s right. It doesn’t mean I can’t have hope or love unconditionally because no one else does.
    (I have met and have in my life truly lovely people who are different, who give me hope for a beautiful world. I am merely talking about my feelings on the general population)
    Even if I knew no one who believed the same things as I do, that wouldn’t stop me from feeling how I feel.
    I may not know as much about the Bible and faith and God as someone who’s been to seminary. But I know that Jesus has been the one steady, constant truth in my life.
    I know every time I’ve trusted Him, He’s come through.
    I know when I’ve had no one who loves me, He has.
    I know when I gave everything up to follow His calling, He responded with peace in my soul.
    I know every time I’ve poured out what I’ve felt was the last drop of love in my heart, He refilled me with abundance.

    The older you get, the more people doubt you. It’s hard to not look at people and wonder why they’re not doing what you’re doing.
    I’m trying really hard not to have that kind of view and egotism.
    I love how we’re all different, I embrace the different feels and sentiments and characters and talents.
    So I’m praying that God would show me how we all work together, instead of worrying that people are doing things “right”.

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All that is truly GOOD

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Apparently, people enjoy reading my blogs and email updates because I share my struggles and try to be vulnerable.
If you would have told me 2 years ago that that’s the kind of material I’d be writing, I would have laughed in your face.
I don’t know when in my life I decided to get comfortable with baring my soul to the world, but I guess it happened, and as a result I am seriously filled with freedom.

So without further ado, please let me impart my latest learning experience and where my heart’s at.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter or Facebook, you know that I am in the States now, and this transition has been ROUGH.
I went back to Nicaragua (through the help of your donations and encouragement) for about a month to say my goodbyes and tie up the loose ends I had left behind. Deciding to go back to the States was all so sudden and unexpected, I was kind of caught off guard and I left without really feeling settled in my spirit. So the trip back was really needed.
Going back, I experienced a range of emotions and felt things that I can’t even begin to describe. My heart broke more and more every day that I spent sitting at peoples’ houses, helping with homework, cooking food, playing with children, having deep conversations, loving on my families…
I was falling apart and had absolutely no idea how to control it or keep it together.

I went into this trip with a firm resolve not to count down the days or think about leaving. I was going to live in the moment, concentrate on the here and now, and not worry about how I was going to say goodbye. It worked, almost too well.
When I got to the last couple days, I started panicking. See, I fit in so well in Nicaragua. I honestly could see myself just living there, and having a completely happy life. I was on a bus headed to Managua to get to the airport and I was having serious thoughts about not getting on my plane.
The only thing that kept me going was that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has called me to go to Honduras. Growing up and being an adult means that I can’t just do whatever FEELS good. It might feel good to stay in Nicaragua, but what are the long-term consequences of that? I have already spoken about moving to Honduras, about feeling God’s calling there…so if I had decided to stay, what kind of example is that for my friends in Nicaragua?
It’s a bad one. It’s an example of someone choosing to ignore God and be selfish. That’s what.
I am confident enough in my vulnerability to admit that to you all.

See, I think my main wound of leaving is that in Nicaragua I experienced a kind of love and acceptance I had never felt before, EVER in my life.
Not in the States, not anywhere else.
I built relationships with people who really really cared about me and kept up with my life, wanting to know how I was. And more than that, people wanted to tell me about THEIR lives and wanted to be encouraged and loved on.

So I guess I was angry that God was taking me out of the one place I’ve felt truly accepted and loved and just a good fit. I don’t know if I believe I can find those relationships again and that kind of fulfillment.
But I’m realizing that that’s the problem.
I’m finding my fulfillment in how I FEEL. And how I feel is perhaps different from the truth.
If I truly believe that God is sending me to Honduras (which I do), I know He will provide, and I know things will work out.

Psalm 16, verse 2 says in The Voice version,
“I told You, Eternal One, ‘You are my Lord, for the only good I know in this world is found in You alone.'”

All those truly beautiful, purely good moments and experiences I felt in Nicaragua were from Christ alone. The moments I felt so incredibly blessed and loved and in the Spirit, those were from Jesus.
Since He is calling me to Honduras, there will be more of that good. The only difference is that it will be in a different location.
That good wasn’t happening only because it was in Nicaragua.
God doesn’t change. Locations will, people will, relationships will, but God doesn’t.
I just need to work on trusting Him that He will do all He has promised.

I’m excited to take you all on this journey with me…and I really need the encouragement and support!
I am in the States now, so please let me know if you would like to get together and talk about my past, current, and future missions!
I would love to come share with your church/youth group/bible study/club/school/group/event/etc!

A few pictures from this trip:

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Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes