Living Water/Agua Viva

Let me explain my personality, and maybe you can relate:

Ever since I can remember (and my parents tell me I was like this from the moment I was born), I fight to get what I want. If there’s something I want to go after, there is no convincing me that I won’t get it if I work hard enough. This has it’s redeeming qualities – I fight for what I love and don’t give up when things get tough, I go after things that frighten me just to conquer them, and I’ve accomplished things out of pure determination not to fail. I compete with myself constantly to show that I can be bigger and better.

However.

When there are obstacles in my life that I truly can’t do anything about, when I can’t convince someone of what I think they need to know or feel, and when situations are completely out of my control to change, I get frustrated and defeated. I feel like I’ve failed.

I go hard and I go fast, and my entire life I’ve been an intense person. As fierce as I love, failure is just as earth shattering.

When I come to road blocks in the places of my life where I want to continue, it’s very hard for me to accept. I feel drained, spent, burnt out. I put all my energy into something, and all my energy  isn’t enough.

Does anyone else feel this way?

These past couple weeks I have been doing some heavy reflection on my heart and from where I’m drawing energy to go so hard at the main challenges of my life right now. Why have I felt so insufficient lately?

I was reading John 4 and it jumped out at me so obviously that I couldn’t miss it.

Jesus has such a kind and gentle way of explaining these huge mysteries to us, that I think sometimes they seem so simple that we don’t look for the big message He’s trying to get to us. In John 4, He explains to a woman at the well that the water He offers, living water, is so much better than anything she could get from that ordinary well. He says,
“Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life.”

I have my own personal well inside me. I draw from my own strength and energy and reservoir of love, and sometimes, I hit the bottom of the well and it’s completely dry. Many times, I am stretching out that last bucket of water and making every drop count.
I am left feeling hurt, because I wasn’t enough.
I’m tired of loving, because what I give from my own well is my personal supply, and I’m doling it out bucket after bucket.

Someone asked me a few weeks ago what my purpose in life was, what did I feel called to do with my one life.
My first instinct was to say, “Help people!”, because that’s what makes me feel useful. I love feeling useful.
But a few days ago, God asked me if I remembered what He first told me years ago when I was starting to ask Him what He wanted me to do with my life.
And I remembered that what He told me He created me for wasn’t to “help” people.
I was called to love. To love and to love and to love and to pour out even more love, and through that God was going to work in His way and in His time.

Truthfully, no one needs my help. It’s impossible for me to “fix” anyone. But what everyone needs is love and grace. Once you start to love someone and see them as God does, it’s easy to see how you can be useful in their life.

The past couple years I have been drawing from my very limited supply of love. I’ve tried to love people my way and with the few resources I have. That love has an end to it, a limit that I seem to reach over and over again.

So this week God has been gently reminding me to draw from His well that He provides me. He has been inviting me to drink of His living water until that well becomes a part of me and I never feel thirsty again. He’s encouraging me to love on people but not from what I think I can give them. He’s showing me that when I draw from His unending supply of living water, love doesn’t have to hurt, it doesn’t have to drain me, and it can be the most beautiful, liberating thing.


Permítanme explicar mi personalidad, y tal vez puedes identificarse:

Desde que puedo recordar (y mis padres me dicen que yo era así desde el momento en que nací), yo he luchado para conseguir lo que quiero. Si hay algo que deseo, no me puedes convencer de que no lo conseguiré si lucho lo suficiente. Esto tiene sus cualidades redentoras – lucho por lo que amo y no me rindo cuando las cosas se ponen difíciles, enfrento las cosas que me asustan sólo para conquistarlas, y he logrado metas solo por la pura determinación de no fallar. Compito constantemente con mi misma para demostrar que puedo ser más grande y mejor.

Sin embargo…

Cuando no puedo hacer nada con algunos obstáculos en mi vida, cuando no puedo convencer a alguien de lo que creo que necesitan comprender o sentir, y cuando las situaciones están fuera de mi control para cambiar, me siento frustrada y derrotada. Siento que he fallado.

Voy duro y voy rápido, y toda mi vida he sido una persona intensa. La intensidad con que demuestro amor es la misma con que caigo cuando fallo.

Cuando llego a las barricadas de la vida en lugares donde quiero seguir, es muy difícil para mí aceptar que me tengo que detener. Me siento agotada, gastada, quemada. Pongo toda mi energía en algo, y toda mi energía no es suficiente.

¿Alguien más se siente así?

Estas últimas semanas he estado haciendo una pesada reflexión en mi corazón y de donde estoy sacando energía para trabajar tan duro en los desafíos de mi vida en este momento. ¿Por qué me he sentido tan insuficiente últimamente?

Estaba leyendo a Juan 4 y lo que encontré se me hizo tan obvio que no podía perderlo.

Jesús tiene una manera tan amable y gentil de explicar los enormes misterios para nosotros. Creo que a veces parecen tan simples que no buscamos el gran mensaje que Él está tratando de ayudarnos entender. En Juan 4, Él explica a una mujer en un pozo que el agua que Él ofrece, agua viva, es mucho mejor que cualquier agua que pudiera obtener de ese pozo ordinario. Él dice,

“Cualquiera que beba de esta agua volverá a tener sed, pero el que beba del agua que yo le dé, no volverá a tener sed jamas, porque dentro de él esa agua se convertirá en un manantial del que brotará vida eterna.”

Tengo un pozo personal dentro de mí. Saco de ese pozo mi propia fuerza, energía y amor, y a veces toco el fondo del pozo y está completamente seco. Muchas veces, quiero utilizar la última gota de agua en miles de cosas.

Me siento mal, porque no soy suficiente.
Estoy cansada de amar, porque lo que doy de mi propio pozo es mi provisión personal, y lo estoy gastando balde tras balde.

Alguien me preguntó hace unas semanas cuál era mi propósito en la vida, qué era lo que me sentía llamada a hacer con mi única vida.
Mi primer instinto fue decir, “Ayuda a la gente!”, Porque eso es lo que me hace sentir útil. Me encanta sentir útil.

Pero hace unos días, Dios me preguntó si recordaba lo que Él me dijo hace años cuando yo estaba comenzando a preguntarle qué quería que hiciera con mi vida.

Y recordé que la llamada no fue simplemente para “ayudar” a la gente.

Me llamó para amar. Amar y amar y amar y derramar aún más amor, y por medio de eso Dios iba a trabajar a Su manera y en Su tiempo.

La verdad, nadie necesita mi ayuda. Es imposible que yo “arregle” a alguien. Pero lo que todo el mundo necesita es amor y gracia. Una vez que empiezas a amar a alguien y verlo como Dios lo ve, es fácil entender cómo puedes ser útil en su vida.

Los últimos dos años he estado sacando de mi muy limitado reservorio de amor. He tratado de amar a la gente a mi manera y con los pocos recursos que tengo. Ese amor tiene un fin, un límite donde llego una y otra vez.

Esta semana, Dios me ha estado recordando suavemente a sacar del pozo que Él provee. Él me ha estado invitando a beber de Su agua viva hasta que ese pozo se convierta en un manantial dentro de mí y nunca volveré a sentir sed. Me anima a amar a la gente, pero no con lo que creo que puedo darles. Él me está mostrando que cuando yo saco de Su provisión interminable de agua viva, no tengo que sentir lastimada cuando demuestro amor, no tengo que sentir agostada, y puede ser la cosa más hermosa y liberadora.

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Have it all/Tenga todo (English/Español)

(Después en español)

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When children hurt themselves, often they go running to their parents, tears streaming down their faces as they cry for help and healing.
Other children get hurt, and they hide it. They know that the scrape they have on their knee, the twisted ankle that is starting to swell, they know that it’s going to hurt more to get better. They are the too wise for their years children, the ones that don’t have that shiny bright new innocence still planted in their hearts.
So they hide the hurt. They hide the dirt filled scrape that needs cleaning and the bones that need setting.
And it gets worse.
And their parents ask the child to show them what’s wrong, because a parent always knows.
But they hide, because they know it needs to feel worse to feel better.
The parents can work with the child and give them medicine for the pain, but they can’t get to the root of the problem if the child doesn’t offer that hurt part to them and allow them to heal it. The child will never fully heal if the messy, painful part isn’t taken care of.
•••
We are children, you guys. We know perfectly well that God can heal and restore us and put us back together to be whole.
But we are too wise, and we know it will hurt first to get better, so we refuse to show him the worst parts of ourselves and offer them to be healed.
This is the sacrifice God desires. He doesn’t want perfect performance, He doesn’t want a fake version of ourselves that we put on to hide our deepest faults.
He desires that place in your heart that’s been stored away maybe all your life. He wants the thing that makes you cry and scream at night because you can’t control it.
He wants the most vulnerable parts of you that you can’t fix on your own and you never will.
Only when you give him your worst can he begin the process to heal you.
Only when you decide to let him have what you most want to hold on to can He redeem you wholly and completely.


Cuando los niños se lastiman, la mayoría van corriendo y llorando a sus padres, caras llenas de lagrimas, buscando ayuda.
Otros niños se lastiman y lo esconden. Ellos saben que el raspado en la rodilla, el tobillo doblado que empieza a inflamar, saben que esas cosas duelen primero para después sentir mejor. Son los niños que son demasiado viejos por sus años, los que ya no tienen esa nueva y brillante inocencia sembrada en su corazón.
Así que, esconden su dolor. Esconden la tierra incrustada en el raspado que ocupa limpieza, y los huesos que necesitan ser fijados.
Y las cosas se empeoran.
Y los padres piden que el niño enseñe su herida, porque los padres siempre saben qué hay algo mal.
Pero lo esconden, porque saben que primero tiene que doler más para sentir mejor.
Los padres pueden hacer algunas cosas con el niño, le puede dar un analgésico para el dolor, pero no pueden llegar a la raíz del problema si el niño no ofrece esa parte lastimada a ellos y dejarlos sanarla. El niño nunca va a sanar completamente si no deja que le sanen la parte dolorosa y terrible.
•••
Amigos, nosotros somos niños. Perfectamente bien sabemos que Dios puede sanar y restaurar y arreglarnos para ser personas completas.
Pero somos demasiados sabios, y sabemos que primero va a doler para poder sentir mejor después, entonces rechazamos mostrarle las peores partes de nosotros y rechazamos la oportunidad de ser sanados.
Y este es el sacrificio Dios desea; Él no desea un desempeño perfecto, no desea una versión falsa de nosotros que ponemos para esconder nuestras fallas más profundas.
Él desea el lugar en tu corazón que ha sido guardado tal vez toda tu vida. Él quiere la cosa que te hace llorar y gritar en la noche porque no la puedes controlar.
Él quiere las partes más vulnerables de ti que tú no puedes arreglar solo y nunca podrás.
Solo cuando das lo peor de ti, Él puede empezar el proceso para sanarte.
Solo cuando decides dejarle tener lo que más quieres guardar para ti mismo Él puede redimirte completamente y enteramente.

A Season of JOY

Well, this has been quite an interesting “season” as we say in church talk. Hah.
The past couple months have been really strange emotionally, and it’s all really taken me aback. See the truth is, I have just been SAD lately. I was waking up not wanting to see a single soul, and not feeling worthy or able to take on anyone’s drama or problems. I realize the only “fixer” of these problems is the Lord, so that takes a lot of stress off of me, but at the same time I like to think of myself as a pretty good “fixer” too, and that takes me on an emotional rollercoaster ride if I let it get away from me.

I cried a lot, I felt indescribably but also unreasonably lonely, and all the things that normally make me happy didn’t do anything for me at all.
I wracked my brain trying to figure out why this was all happening, and in the process went to the Lord a LOT, and prayed almost every waking moment. I spent so much time in the Bible, because something in the back of my mind (oh yeah, hi, holy spirit) was sure (and rightly so) that God’s words were going to be the only comfort I could find.

I am discovering that the whole season was a time to find comfort in the Lord….it was time to get my heart wrecked and refined by fire, and time to search deeper than I had ever before inside my soul and see what I was really living for.
The Lord did some serious cleansing of my heart, and changing it to want GOOD, HOLY things. I am literally just in awe, no words to describe grateful. This is what I have been praying for for so long, and it’s finally starting to take place in my life.
I read a book about King David and spent a lot of time thinking about the reason for “suffering”…for these times when it seems like problems and bad news just keep piling up.
Sometimes God does things to break us, to test our faith, and I think He really does it to a chosen few. I think the amount of people who go through hardship and strife and use that time to find their weaknesses and make themselves stronger is very small, actually.
I am the first to tell you that normally, as far as hard times go, I suffer through the darkness, feel sorry for myself, and once I get back into the light I just try to forget about how badly I felt. Honest truth.
But what I’m learning is that I need to be encouraged that God is intentionally working out my kinks and sanding off the rough edges. It means that there’s something worth saving underneath all of this, and God thinks it’s worth His time to fix me up. There are small and big things that the Lord can use me for, all equally important, but I need to be in the right place to accomplish His tasks with the right attitude and motives.

When in crisis, sadness, distress, etc….Going to the Lord and asking for His opinion and direction and WAITING for answers is infinitely more reliable and brings more peace than sharing my struggles and asking for solutions from people. Which is not to say I’ve not had amazing encouragement…because people are actually really awesome and bring a lot of joy to my life.
But I tend to go to everyone looking for answers to my problems when trustworthy guidance from someone who knows every corner of my heart would be much more trustworthy.

The season ended well. Last Sunday I felt the Lord clearly saying that I was released from that time, that I was no longer going to feel sorry for myself or play the victim, but that I was going to choose JOY every day when I woke up. Instead of waking up thinking about all my troubles, I was going to wake up thinking about and thanking God for all the blessings in my life, and I was going to get excited about all the possibilities of a new day and what God could do with it.

So, THANK YOU so much if you’ve been praying for me during this time without knowing what was going on…I would like to be the perfect missionary and christian, and have a brave face on all of the time, but the truth is that all of us are always growing, and there’s always something the Lord can change to help better ourselves and help His work be done on a greater level.

I’m excited about this new season of JOY. It’s been going so well so far! The drama is never ending here, and it’s worse since I’m by myself until Katlyn gets back from the States, but nothing is changing my joy.
Ugh, joy is just so deep. I love it. It’s a state of peace and trust that no matter what happens, there’s blessings at every turn and so many possibilities of literally anything and everything wonderful happening.
It’s sunshine and still waters and new hope.

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VERY IMPORTANT:
I will be coming home to the States from June 16th – July 17th. I NEED to do some major fundraising for Finding Hope in that time, but I need your help!
I am looking for churches, organizations, clubs, schools, small groups, etc. that are interested in supporting Finding Hope here in Honduras.
We would like to open up the first floor of our Women’s and Children’s Center by the end of the year, but we can’t do that without having monthly supporters to cover our costs, which will be about $1600 monthly.
I can go anywhere in Michigan to speak about our mission and what we do here, I just really need contacts!
Would you speak to the leaders of your church, group, school, etc. and ask if they would be interested in hearing my presentation?

I also would like to do several fundraisers like a night at a restaurant, garage sale, etc….whatever you can think of, any ideas you might have or you’d like to head up, please let me know!
It’s so difficult to fundraise from Honduras, and I want to be somewhat prepared before I get home, but I will definitely need some help.
Thanks for your consideration!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Adiós

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Trying to write a note to the parents of our Sunday School kids in La Invasión and I’m bawling my eyes out.

I know God has a plan in everything, and I can already see where He’s working and how He’ll do such amazing things with the direction of where Sunday School’s going, but my heart aches.

This note is a goodbye note, an Adiós to the precious families who live in the LI barrio. We’re not moving, our ministry’s not going anywhere, but Sunday School is re-locating. It’s been such a hard decision! Katlyn started this Sunday School over a year ago in this particular neighborhood because they didn’t have one. It’s held out of a local pastor’s house where he also meets with his congregation. She started small, but the Lord really blessed it and now anywhere from 30-50 kids show up every Sunday.

We love our time with them! They are a handful at times but so joyful and eager to learn.

A couple months ago, we started having some little problems within two churches – the one we meet at and the one next door. They do not get along, but for so many complicated reasons that it’s not worth explaining. All you have to know is that they have  a messy past together.
They tried to get us in the middle of their fights and make us choose a side. The next door church wanted us to bring our Sunday School to their property, but doing so would put a big strain on our relationship we already have with the pastor and his family at the location we currently meet.
We tried meetings and compromises….explaining that we were not affiliated with either church but that we came for the children, that they were our purpose and mission. We tried suggesting having a neutral location, at neither of their churches but with the understanding that both would support us and come to help out twice a month.

The result? Church next door decided to start their own Sunday School in the morning (ours is in the afternoon because of morning conflicts). Now, it really doesn’t make any sense to have two Sunday Schools in one day, in the same neighborhood when there are plenty of other places that don’t have a single one, right?
Also, we have nothing against this new Sunday School, they do a great job! It just wasn’t necessary to have two.

So, after much prayer and logistics planning, Katlyn and I have decided to let this new Sunday School have the area, and we will start a new Sunday School in a new neighborhood where there is none. We cried about it, screamed our frustrations, and went insane trying to find a way to stay. I realize this must sound just SO dramatic, with all the emotions and seriousness, but our hearts are really invested in the kids and the community.
However, as we began to talk about what could happen, how we could turn a negative into a positive, the light began to shine. What if our purpose is to do some sort of Sunday School planting?
God had blessed our efforts in LI and grown the group in big ways. All those kids will continue going to Sunday School, just at a different location and with different leaders. That’s not so bad.
Now, we have this great opportunity to do the same thing for a different neighborhood. And really, we could just keep on going. The possibilities are endless!

We feel so much peace about the decision and know it was the right one. It also came at the perfect time, since this is the last Sunday we’ll have before taking some big trips. I’m leaving for Nicaragua for 2 or 3 weeks on Monday, Kate’s leaving for the States on Thursday, she won’t get back until June 10th, and then I’ll leave to do some fund-raising in the States. After the dust is settled and we’re back at home, we can get started on this new venture.

Please be praying for understanding and respect within the community for our decision, and that they’ll continue sending their kids to the new Sunday School.
And just pray for our hearts too, because this is SO bittersweet. Like I said, bawling my eyes out here just thinking about not getting to see those cute faces every Sunday.

Thanks as always for your prayers, encouragement, well wishes, and good vibes!!!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Where’s The Line?

I’m curious to get the opinion of other missionaries in foreign countries. Or really anyone, but I think that certain group of people will understand a little better this whole thought process.

***

As we all know, moving to a different country and settling into a new lifestyle brings BIG changes. You’re adapting to a different culture, learning a new language, and meeting tons of people with their own attitudes and ideas.

The biggest change is learning how some things that work in the US (or wherever you’re from), things you’ve used your entire life…they may not be what’s best for the new culture you’re living in!
This is a very important lesson to learn, and crucial if you’re earnestly seeking to integrate yourself into your new environment.

When it comes to ministry, I really believe in partnering with local churches and missions – learning from them and using their influence in the area to introduce yourself into the community. I just think it’s so essential to glean wisdom from local pastors, leaders, and church members about how this particular culture views Christianity, missionaries, worship, evangelism….and where they stand as far as rules and boundaries.

Now, hang on with me as I go on a little tangent:

I am 100% on board and completely agree with the opinion that, once we make the decision to use our lives to glorify God, we give up certain aspects of our personal pleasure. Life isn’t about ME ME ME anymore. God wants joy to fill my soul and for me to take pleasure in the world He’s created for me, but He is also sure of the fact that He is the provider of that joy. I can pour out all day long, give everything I have, choose compassion over being right…I can do all these things through Christ who strengthens me. He is the secret to being content. There is a lot of selfishness that needs to be sacrificed if I want to experience true joy. I need to give up temporary happiness to settle into the contentedness of true joy that is found in God alone.

That all being said, there are certain things that bring me happiness that I don’t personally feel are wrong. For example, after moving to Central America, I found out that I LOVE, but I mean absolutely LOVE Latin dancing. It’s a great challenge, good exercise, and it’s SO. MUCH. FUN. Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Cumbia, Lambada…I want to learn it all!

However, in the majority of churches and Christian communities here, dancing (unless it’s Praise/Worship dance) is a sin.

Katlyn and I have made a lot of compromises here in Porvenir in regards to our personal lives. Since we are starting a brand new Christian ministry, we want to make sure we get off on the right foot in this town. We want respect and credibility, and that comes with the people here seeing with their own eyes that we are being good examples and being who we say we are.
We know that when we chose this direction for our lives, that meant giving up a lot of our right to doing what we want, when we want, how we want.
In this particular culture, it means no drinking, no dancing, no secular music, and paying close attention to the way we dress, among a few other things.
Our image is one of the biggest tools we have to incite partnership, help, and support for our ministry.

I’m not going to lie, it is HARD sometimes, and we are by no means perfect. There are things we are used to being acceptable in the States that just are not and have never been here in Honduras.

However, the RULES and REGULATIONS in the churches here are sometimes waaayyy out there. Not to mention that, basically, if you commit any of these “sins”, you’re not actually a Christian, and many times you’re shunned in your church. Guidelines that the Lord put in place to help us experience the goodness of a pure and holy life have turned into heavy, heavy chains that weigh many people down. These chains scare off a good amount of people who really need a Savior that they can trust implicitly and who will love them unconditionally. They make good people feel like failures, and turn kind people into judgmental pharisees with hearts of stone.

This is a whole other issue that desperately needs prayer and change, but that’s another topic for another day.

What I am trying to get at is that there are positives and negatives to every church and every culture’s individual views on Christianity. So where do we as missionaries in a different culture draw the line between:

– respecting and learning from this new culture’s Christian community while also maintaining a good image so that we have credibility in our ministry.

AND,

– speaking our minds about our personal beliefs, trying to fight against the chains of legalism.
Compassionately sharing our hearts and what the Lord has taught us about His grace and mercy.
Doing things that may be against the “rules” but is something you don’t feel personally convicted by and isn’t a sin in the Bible, to try and promote freedom in the Lord.

Will it make a difference even if you have all the right scriptures and proof to prove your point?
Is it worth it to shut up about your personal beliefs if it means the churches respecting you more?
When is it wise to pick and choose battles?

I know there is a happy medium out there.
Like I said, Katlyn and I have been trying to be really cautious in our actions and words, and have chosen to give some things up in order to stop gossip and be respected.
Sometimes it drives me crazy when I want to explain stuff like….how music for me is a spiritual thing, whether it’s blatantly talking about the Lord or not.

I hope I’m somewhat clearly getting across this conflict I’ve been feeling in my heart lately.

I truly am content here, I love this life, but every big change takes getting used to, it doesn’t happen overnight, and I don’t think I will understand everything even after years of living here.
I’m just praying for wisdom for each day that comes.
What can I do in each moment so that my life is a good example of a great God?

I think there is only so much that one person can do about their image until they need to step back and say, “Okay God, you take it from here.”
Or maybe our hands should’ve been open the whole time.

All I know is that God has been preparing my heart for this my entire life, and He’s been preparing the hearts of the people we’ll come into contact with this ministry for their entire lives. He’s planned this all from the beginning of time, and He’ll see it all through to completion.
I can have complete and total faith that it’s in His hands, and He’ll guide every step as we go.
Please be praying for us that we’ll have open eyes and ears to the wisdom He wants to give us in all the decisions we make in our personal lives and in the creation of Finding Hope.

So, prayer would be lovely, but like I said, I would really love to hear y’all’s opinions on all of this! Sorry as always for my ramble-y thoughts and the jumbled way it all comes out.

Got any verses that talk about any of this? Anything the Lord’s putting on your heart to share?
Please comment or send me an e-mail at haillekrieg@gmail.com

Thanks for taking the time to read and spend a few minutes in the mind of an over-thinking, recovering people-pleaser who is Haille Krieg.

Much love!!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Falling into the Depths, into Infinity

The thing about love, or any other feeling really…

If you’ve never experienced it, you don’t understand it.

There are complexities that you can’t even begin to know to include in your expectations.

There are depths,
OH THE DEPTHS.

There are layers….so many layers.

The changes of the heart,
The countless emotions.

***

My understanding of God started so simply, as all great loves do.

He was righteous, powerful, mighty, just, loving…

There were ways to include Him in my life, to let Him be a part of my human experience.

There was my everyday God, the knowledge of something greater above me, around me, inside me. Something looking out for my good and holding my life in His hands.
I was aware of His presence.

I also had a God who touched me at times, squeezed my heart a little tighter than I was used to. This brought tears sometimes, an emotional tearing down of self-built walls.
Spiritual highs…as they like to say at Bible camp.

There were the two experiences.
The two sides of God.
The two levels I could feel.

But there had to be more to be felt.

As I spent time intentionally inviting the Spirit to come and show me the Father’s heart, the undoing began.

I thought He was a finite God…I thought He could be contained in the walls of my understanding.

I never knew I could be loved in so many ways, forms, and fashions.
I never knew I could be so excited to see what new way the Lord was going to show me His heart.

The experiences that I have been opening myself up to lately have been absolutely rocking my world. Shaking the very earth beneath my feet.

I’m almost a little ashamed to say I’m just now realizing how much I don’t understand the infiniteness of God’s love.
How very simple.
How very quaint.

The deepness of ABBA is immense.
I feel like I could drown in it.
And I think that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

I’m working on taking down the barriers of my expectations of God, the things holding me back from letting Him be infinite, and letting Him in His timing show me each layer.

He is vast, and large, and impossible to contain.

My union with Him is the greatest, most marvelous treasure I’ve ever wanted and had as my own.

***

The dream of my heart that I’ve been praying over these past few months is to become a person Pure of Heart.
I want to naturally want things of the Lord.
I want it to be easy to want to be a genuinely good person.

And I think,
the way that God is transforming me, little piece by little piece,
is by covering me in His bigness.
Overcoming me with His presence.
Opening my mind to the infinite.
Guiding me into a place of losing myself for all that He is.

Oh, the Wonder of it all.

hallelujah.

I’ve been warned against the “Health and Wealth” gospel so many times.

Basically, that just because I live a holy life and do the right things,  it doesn’t mean that everything will work out for me and be great.

I’ve tried to be really cautious against unconsciously living with this mindset – expecting things to be perfect once I change my life and stop sinning in the areas where I’m weak.

So I have this in my mind, and sometimes I want to test myself with it. Like, I want to do the right thing, and have none of my problems change, and see if I can stand it…see if my faith falters or stands strong.

Sometimes, I find myself far from the Lord, or giving into some weakness, or I haven’t spent intentional time seeking His guidance and being in His presence. Once I get it back together and find myself on the right path again, I almost always end up with some real, material, visible blessings.

It’s actually kind of crazy. I haven’t really understood it until now.

It made me think that maybe the Health and Wealth thing wasn’t so far off.

BUT.
This morning.
Jesus really spoke to my heart about my awareness of His favor.

I think…
What my individual, personal issue is…
Is that during these times that I’m not intentionally spending time to soak, soar, and seek in and with the Holy Spirit…when I’m not consciously in communion with my Abba…
I am not aware of His CONTINUAL favor and blessings in my life.

Once I get straight with Him, I see so much clearer the areas where He is touching my life.

It’s not that the blessings come only when I’m seeking Him,
They are always there, I’m just not looking for them or seeing them.

Does that kind of make sense?

In short, I am an oblivious human being. I need to constantly be in communication and relationship with Jesus to have His eyes.
His eyes that are going to show me His new mercies, grace, love gifts, presence, beauty, and power that are all present in every day of my life.

Lesson learned?
I need more Jesus.
Always.
Forever.

Wishing peace, love, and adventures in your lives, Friends.
HAILLE OUT

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This revelation came while I was spending time listening to the entirety of Steffany Gretzinger’s new album The Undoing. She is my musical soulmate, saying every unspoken word that’s in my heart with musicality that is straight from the heavens. She writes music and worships in every single way that I would want to. 
Take an hour out of your day to just revel in the beauty of the Lord with this album as your soundtrack. Watch as the Lord’s favor surrounds you and breathes new life into your day. It is vulnerable, intimate, and breathtaking. Consider buying it and supporting this amazing artist!
And listen to it HERE.

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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Heading into month 3 of living here in El Porvenir, I am getting a more of a feel for this town and starting to look for ways that God wants to use Finding Hope here in this community. Since Katlyn has been here for so long, she has lots of great relationships and friendships that I get to be a part of and share in. Our focus is mostly with women, so we get to hear many stories of their lives and individual situations.

I love them. I love each and every one of their precious hearts and beautiful faces. They are full of life and love, beauty and pain, light and darkness, and so many unique character qualities and traits. Having an opportunity to provide for their families by making and selling bracelets through Finding Hope is giving them power and control over their lives to make choices and decisions, and this gives them a small sense of freedom. It’s an amazing thing to see, and I attribute most of it to the dream the Lord placed on Katlyn’s heart to help these women in a real and effective way.

Since I moved here, Katlyn and I have been discussing and dreaming up ways to make a positive impact on this community once the Women and Children’s Center is built. We are so blessed that God has given us very similar hearts for Central America and desires and hopes that line up almost exactly. As I’ve mentioned before, once the Center is built, we will have facilities for teaching the beading and bracelet-making, sewing classes, women’s bible studies, a feeding center, a daycare, and whatever else the Lord puts on our hearts. We believe this will be a great outreach to the community, a place to connect and do life together, somewhere safe and trustworthy.

We’re making some serious headway with construction, having just finished the bathrooms and getting ready to pour floors in, and hopefully having 3 rooms built by November. Even though it’s not finished, we’ve been praying for something bigger.

See, a lot of conversations we have with women here about their lives are very similar – they got pregnant at an early age, if the guy didn’t run away they moved in with him, he started abusing them, they can’t leave because they don’t have work and can’t find it without skills, and that’s what life is. It’s accepted and women settle for being under-valued, under-appreciated, lonely, and abused.
We were talking to one woman this past week who was telling us her story, which was very much like ones we’ve heard before, and she summed it up for all the women we’ve listened to with this phrase:
“So, this is how my life is now. It’s complicated.”

It broke my heart. She is unhappy with the man she’s living with right now, for valid reasons, but she couldn’t leave him even if she wanted to. She has 2 young children – 2 years and 1 month old – and doesn’t live anywhere near to her immediate family. She can’t get work anywhere to provide for her kids if she wanted to move out, and she wouldn’t be able to leave with such a small children at home anyway.
We can spend all day talking to her about how she should just press on, that things will work out eventually, that we’re praying for her, that we’ll come visit as often as we can…but the truth is, I’m not completely sure that her situation will change. We can disciple her and give her the hope of Jesus and his grace and forgiveness, but her husband might continue to abuse her.

We want to be able to do something bigger and more meaningful than just talk.

Our dream for Finding Hope is to be able to build a second floor onto the Center for women and children in abusive and dangerous situations. We want to make a safe place for them to feel secure and loved, a place where they can get on their feet and figure out the next steps.

It’s a big dream! We’re not even finished with the first floor, but we want to start praying about how powerfully God can use this building. There are so many logistics to think about and money to raise, and we realize it’s probably a ways into the future.
But we want to ask every person who reads this blog, thinks about Finding Hope, prays for our lives and this town, and is involved in any way to join us in dreaming more HOPE into El Porvenir.

And during the process of building everything, making new connections, and raising funds, please be thinking about and praying for these women who don’t have any other option but to settle.
They are real women with real stories and real lives. Mothers, sisters, wives, aunts, and daughters who are strong, powerful, influential, who love fiercely and live with passion.

“Speak out on behalf of those who have no voice,
and defend all those who have been passed over.
Open your mouth, judge fairly,
and stand up for the rights of the 
afflicted and poor.”

Proverbs 31:8-9

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

The Feels/Los Sentimientos

Hey friends!

Just wanted to send out a little note to say that I am safe and extremely happy in El Porvenir, Honduras.

Hopefully, you received my email update…if not, sign up HERE! The email updates are different than blog updates since they are more facts, prayer requests, praises, and ministry updates. My blog will be more of a place for me to go into depth about things that are on my heart, what I’m learning, and to verbally process.

With that being said, here are the feels for moving to a different country:

I feel so much peace. This was such a perfect decision and completely divine and sovereign. Katlyn and I talked just today about how everything worked out so well for both of us that we experienced big changes. I moved down here and she moved out of the volunteer house where she’s lived in and out for the past 4 years.

We are both sure that God has something really exciting planned for our lives and Finding Hope. There’s something about just trusting a God who is trustWORTHY to take care of your life. A peace that passes understanding, something we have asked for and received.

***

Life is really beautiful here. It’s a very very different atmosphere than what I’m used to, but wonderful in its own way. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes, but content in so many other ways.

I love living right on the beach and being in that Central American, no-schedule, living every moment as it passes kind of life.

I’m working on not having expectations and not living for other peoples’ opinions.

I’m letting Jesus work on my soul, setting it free and shaping it to bring glory to His name.

It’s all about deep breaths, letting go, and holding every moment valuable.

Yes, I sound like a cheap self-help book, but you gotta do what works, right?

***

I am meeting so MANY lovely people. Men, women, young adults, children, and babies from all backgrounds and locations.

Honduras is a little different from Nicaragua…the people are a little shyer, more guarded, polite, but just as loving and welcoming.

Almost everyone uses the formal “usted”, which takes getting used to. I’m used to complete strangers using “vos” with me.

I’m missing Nica and mi gente, but open to the formation of relationships that are just as meaningful and fulfilling.

***

Everything is still so new, so I’m still taking it all in, but I can’t wait to dive in deep with y’all and share my journey.

Thanks as always for reading and caring about my life here in Porvenir.

As always, please contact me with any questions or encouragement that you have.

GO ON AN ADVENTURE!

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Babies that received a bathroom through Honduras Child Alliance, an organization that we partner with.

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My new living space.

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Streets of Porvenir.

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Life without a washing machine is actually a lot of fun!

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Team Finding Hope!

 

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Thoughts on Leadership

These last couple years have held some of the biggest trust lessons I’ve ever grown from.

God is constantly teaching me to not need a reason or explanation…but just to trust Him implicitly. If He says go, I go. If He says stay, I stay. It’s all about the obedience aspect.

One way that He is helping me understand my relationship with Him is by putting leaders in my life and asking me to serve them with my whole heart and with a joyful spirit.

To be completely honest, I have always struggled with authority figures. I have always had this pride that makes me think that I am right, and that I know best.

After making several mistakes where I have really disregarded authority and blamed them for so many of my own problems, God broke down that barrier in a very painful way.

 

I have been on both sides of leadership. Surprisingly, I like being on the servant side a lot more.

See, being a leader requires that you have a very heavy responsibility.

People – real live humans – depend on you. You answer to their problems, their issues, their ugliness, their beauty, their hearts. And it’s HARD. You will always have someone who doubts you, disapproves of your actions/life, or openly mocks you.

 

If there is one thing I could share that you would remember, it is this:
Encourage your leaders, and give them a break!

 

Hebrews 13:17 (ESV) says,

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

 

There is no advantage to us tearing down our leaders and talking badly about them behind their backs. Does that encourage them to lead us better and with more joy and patience?

Truly good leaders answer to God, and God alone. They are not here to be all that you want them to be. If God has trusted them with leadership, He trusts their judgment and discernment.

 

One example I have is of two women that I love and adore with all my heart. Their names are Lisa and Cadence, and they work in Nicaragua as missionaries, heading up a student sponsorship program.

Since I lived with them for more than a year, I saw all the hard work they put into their job and how little they are recognized for it. Lisa and Cadence work long, sometimes 14-hour days, tirelessly speaking with families, writing sponsor updates, handing out school supplies, having hard conversations with kids, tutoring kids, and pouring their hearts out to the community. They have put their lives into this program and setting up the poverty-stricken communities of Candelaria, Santa Matilde, Nuevo Amanecer, and La Isla for success by putting their children in school and promoting education.

The communities have a great love for these two women, and show their gratitude in so many beautiful ways. However, I have seen the ugly side of people as well when they feel as though they know best how sponsorship money should be used.
If they put themselves in Lisa’s and Cadence’s shoes, they would not want the load of work, the ungratefulness, the responsibility, and the long hours.
Even after being lied to, shouted at, dead-tired, and also, I will add, raising financial support to do what they do, these women continue to build and grow this program because they have had a calling to this ministry.
And I know they forget all of the negativity when they get to make those visits to tell a child and their family that they’ve received a sponsor. I’ve been on those visits, and I feel like crying every time I see it happen. The JOY that flows when you tell someone that a person from thousands of miles away saw their picture on the internet and saw something special that they just HAD to support…it is magnificently beautiful.

 

It is incredible how much someone believing in you can do to your self-esteem. When someone believes in you, your soul gets set on fire and you believe that anything is possible. That you can change the world. That God isn’t crazy in His love for you and hope for the best for your life.

 

We as humans are better as a team than a single individual.

 

The Lord already holds leaders to a high standard and they answer to Him.

Our job as servants and followers, members of an organization or congregation is to SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE.

 

Instead of criticizing your leader, encourage them in love. You probably have no idea the amount of work and responsibility they have. You probably don’t know how many people want to talk to them and give their opinion.

 

Spread peace.

Be kind.

Love with your whole heart.

 

Follow Lisa and Cadence’s blogs:

Lisa – http://lisasmith.myadventures.org/

Cadence – http://cadencesnyder.wordpress.com/

 

Sponsor a student through Educate Nica for $25 a month:

http://educatenica.org/