A Season of JOY

Well, this has been quite an interesting “season” as we say in church talk. Hah.
The past couple months have been really strange emotionally, and it’s all really taken me aback. See the truth is, I have just been SAD lately. I was waking up not wanting to see a single soul, and not feeling worthy or able to take on anyone’s drama or problems. I realize the only “fixer” of these problems is the Lord, so that takes a lot of stress off of me, but at the same time I like to think of myself as a pretty good “fixer” too, and that takes me on an emotional rollercoaster ride if I let it get away from me.

I cried a lot, I felt indescribably but also unreasonably lonely, and all the things that normally make me happy didn’t do anything for me at all.
I wracked my brain trying to figure out why this was all happening, and in the process went to the Lord a LOT, and prayed almost every waking moment. I spent so much time in the Bible, because something in the back of my mind (oh yeah, hi, holy spirit) was sure (and rightly so) that God’s words were going to be the only comfort I could find.

I am discovering that the whole season was a time to find comfort in the Lord….it was time to get my heart wrecked and refined by fire, and time to search deeper than I had ever before inside my soul and see what I was really living for.
The Lord did some serious cleansing of my heart, and changing it to want GOOD, HOLY things. I am literally just in awe, no words to describe grateful. This is what I have been praying for for so long, and it’s finally starting to take place in my life.
I read a book about King David and spent a lot of time thinking about the reason for “suffering”…for these times when it seems like problems and bad news just keep piling up.
Sometimes God does things to break us, to test our faith, and I think He really does it to a chosen few. I think the amount of people who go through hardship and strife and use that time to find their weaknesses and make themselves stronger is very small, actually.
I am the first to tell you that normally, as far as hard times go, I suffer through the darkness, feel sorry for myself, and once I get back into the light I just try to forget about how badly I felt. Honest truth.
But what I’m learning is that I need to be encouraged that God is intentionally working out my kinks and sanding off the rough edges. It means that there’s something worth saving underneath all of this, and God thinks it’s worth His time to fix me up. There are small and big things that the Lord can use me for, all equally important, but I need to be in the right place to accomplish His tasks with the right attitude and motives.

When in crisis, sadness, distress, etc….Going to the Lord and asking for His opinion and direction and WAITING for answers is infinitely more reliable and brings more peace than sharing my struggles and asking for solutions from people. Which is not to say I’ve not had amazing encouragement…because people are actually really awesome and bring a lot of joy to my life.
But I tend to go to everyone looking for answers to my problems when trustworthy guidance from someone who knows every corner of my heart would be much more trustworthy.

The season ended well. Last Sunday I felt the Lord clearly saying that I was released from that time, that I was no longer going to feel sorry for myself or play the victim, but that I was going to choose JOY every day when I woke up. Instead of waking up thinking about all my troubles, I was going to wake up thinking about and thanking God for all the blessings in my life, and I was going to get excited about all the possibilities of a new day and what God could do with it.

So, THANK YOU so much if you’ve been praying for me during this time without knowing what was going on…I would like to be the perfect missionary and christian, and have a brave face on all of the time, but the truth is that all of us are always growing, and there’s always something the Lord can change to help better ourselves and help His work be done on a greater level.

I’m excited about this new season of JOY. It’s been going so well so far! The drama is never ending here, and it’s worse since I’m by myself until Katlyn gets back from the States, but nothing is changing my joy.
Ugh, joy is just so deep. I love it. It’s a state of peace and trust that no matter what happens, there’s blessings at every turn and so many possibilities of literally anything and everything wonderful happening.
It’s sunshine and still waters and new hope.

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VERY IMPORTANT:
I will be coming home to the States from June 16th – July 17th. I NEED to do some major fundraising for Finding Hope in that time, but I need your help!
I am looking for churches, organizations, clubs, schools, small groups, etc. that are interested in supporting Finding Hope here in Honduras.
We would like to open up the first floor of our Women’s and Children’s Center by the end of the year, but we can’t do that without having monthly supporters to cover our costs, which will be about $1600 monthly.
I can go anywhere in Michigan to speak about our mission and what we do here, I just really need contacts!
Would you speak to the leaders of your church, group, school, etc. and ask if they would be interested in hearing my presentation?

I also would like to do several fundraisers like a night at a restaurant, garage sale, etc….whatever you can think of, any ideas you might have or you’d like to head up, please let me know!
It’s so difficult to fundraise from Honduras, and I want to be somewhat prepared before I get home, but I will definitely need some help.
Thanks for your consideration!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Adiós

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Trying to write a note to the parents of our Sunday School kids in La Invasión and I’m bawling my eyes out.

I know God has a plan in everything, and I can already see where He’s working and how He’ll do such amazing things with the direction of where Sunday School’s going, but my heart aches.

This note is a goodbye note, an Adiós to the precious families who live in the LI barrio. We’re not moving, our ministry’s not going anywhere, but Sunday School is re-locating. It’s been such a hard decision! Katlyn started this Sunday School over a year ago in this particular neighborhood because they didn’t have one. It’s held out of a local pastor’s house where he also meets with his congregation. She started small, but the Lord really blessed it and now anywhere from 30-50 kids show up every Sunday.

We love our time with them! They are a handful at times but so joyful and eager to learn.

A couple months ago, we started having some little problems within two churches – the one we meet at and the one next door. They do not get along, but for so many complicated reasons that it’s not worth explaining. All you have to know is that they have  a messy past together.
They tried to get us in the middle of their fights and make us choose a side. The next door church wanted us to bring our Sunday School to their property, but doing so would put a big strain on our relationship we already have with the pastor and his family at the location we currently meet.
We tried meetings and compromises….explaining that we were not affiliated with either church but that we came for the children, that they were our purpose and mission. We tried suggesting having a neutral location, at neither of their churches but with the understanding that both would support us and come to help out twice a month.

The result? Church next door decided to start their own Sunday School in the morning (ours is in the afternoon because of morning conflicts). Now, it really doesn’t make any sense to have two Sunday Schools in one day, in the same neighborhood when there are plenty of other places that don’t have a single one, right?
Also, we have nothing against this new Sunday School, they do a great job! It just wasn’t necessary to have two.

So, after much prayer and logistics planning, Katlyn and I have decided to let this new Sunday School have the area, and we will start a new Sunday School in a new neighborhood where there is none. We cried about it, screamed our frustrations, and went insane trying to find a way to stay. I realize this must sound just SO dramatic, with all the emotions and seriousness, but our hearts are really invested in the kids and the community.
However, as we began to talk about what could happen, how we could turn a negative into a positive, the light began to shine. What if our purpose is to do some sort of Sunday School planting?
God had blessed our efforts in LI and grown the group in big ways. All those kids will continue going to Sunday School, just at a different location and with different leaders. That’s not so bad.
Now, we have this great opportunity to do the same thing for a different neighborhood. And really, we could just keep on going. The possibilities are endless!

We feel so much peace about the decision and know it was the right one. It also came at the perfect time, since this is the last Sunday we’ll have before taking some big trips. I’m leaving for Nicaragua for 2 or 3 weeks on Monday, Kate’s leaving for the States on Thursday, she won’t get back until June 10th, and then I’ll leave to do some fund-raising in the States. After the dust is settled and we’re back at home, we can get started on this new venture.

Please be praying for understanding and respect within the community for our decision, and that they’ll continue sending their kids to the new Sunday School.
And just pray for our hearts too, because this is SO bittersweet. Like I said, bawling my eyes out here just thinking about not getting to see those cute faces every Sunday.

Thanks as always for your prayers, encouragement, well wishes, and good vibes!!!

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

hallelujah.

I’ve been warned against the “Health and Wealth” gospel so many times.

Basically, that just because I live a holy life and do the right things,  it doesn’t mean that everything will work out for me and be great.

I’ve tried to be really cautious against unconsciously living with this mindset – expecting things to be perfect once I change my life and stop sinning in the areas where I’m weak.

So I have this in my mind, and sometimes I want to test myself with it. Like, I want to do the right thing, and have none of my problems change, and see if I can stand it…see if my faith falters or stands strong.

Sometimes, I find myself far from the Lord, or giving into some weakness, or I haven’t spent intentional time seeking His guidance and being in His presence. Once I get it back together and find myself on the right path again, I almost always end up with some real, material, visible blessings.

It’s actually kind of crazy. I haven’t really understood it until now.

It made me think that maybe the Health and Wealth thing wasn’t so far off.

BUT.
This morning.
Jesus really spoke to my heart about my awareness of His favor.

I think…
What my individual, personal issue is…
Is that during these times that I’m not intentionally spending time to soak, soar, and seek in and with the Holy Spirit…when I’m not consciously in communion with my Abba…
I am not aware of His CONTINUAL favor and blessings in my life.

Once I get straight with Him, I see so much clearer the areas where He is touching my life.

It’s not that the blessings come only when I’m seeking Him,
They are always there, I’m just not looking for them or seeing them.

Does that kind of make sense?

In short, I am an oblivious human being. I need to constantly be in communication and relationship with Jesus to have His eyes.
His eyes that are going to show me His new mercies, grace, love gifts, presence, beauty, and power that are all present in every day of my life.

Lesson learned?
I need more Jesus.
Always.
Forever.

Wishing peace, love, and adventures in your lives, Friends.
HAILLE OUT

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This revelation came while I was spending time listening to the entirety of Steffany Gretzinger’s new album The Undoing. She is my musical soulmate, saying every unspoken word that’s in my heart with musicality that is straight from the heavens. She writes music and worships in every single way that I would want to. 
Take an hour out of your day to just revel in the beauty of the Lord with this album as your soundtrack. Watch as the Lord’s favor surrounds you and breathes new life into your day. It is vulnerable, intimate, and breathtaking. Consider buying it and supporting this amazing artist!
And listen to it HERE.

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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Heading into month 3 of living here in El Porvenir, I am getting a more of a feel for this town and starting to look for ways that God wants to use Finding Hope here in this community. Since Katlyn has been here for so long, she has lots of great relationships and friendships that I get to be a part of and share in. Our focus is mostly with women, so we get to hear many stories of their lives and individual situations.

I love them. I love each and every one of their precious hearts and beautiful faces. They are full of life and love, beauty and pain, light and darkness, and so many unique character qualities and traits. Having an opportunity to provide for their families by making and selling bracelets through Finding Hope is giving them power and control over their lives to make choices and decisions, and this gives them a small sense of freedom. It’s an amazing thing to see, and I attribute most of it to the dream the Lord placed on Katlyn’s heart to help these women in a real and effective way.

Since I moved here, Katlyn and I have been discussing and dreaming up ways to make a positive impact on this community once the Women and Children’s Center is built. We are so blessed that God has given us very similar hearts for Central America and desires and hopes that line up almost exactly. As I’ve mentioned before, once the Center is built, we will have facilities for teaching the beading and bracelet-making, sewing classes, women’s bible studies, a feeding center, a daycare, and whatever else the Lord puts on our hearts. We believe this will be a great outreach to the community, a place to connect and do life together, somewhere safe and trustworthy.

We’re making some serious headway with construction, having just finished the bathrooms and getting ready to pour floors in, and hopefully having 3 rooms built by November. Even though it’s not finished, we’ve been praying for something bigger.

See, a lot of conversations we have with women here about their lives are very similar – they got pregnant at an early age, if the guy didn’t run away they moved in with him, he started abusing them, they can’t leave because they don’t have work and can’t find it without skills, and that’s what life is. It’s accepted and women settle for being under-valued, under-appreciated, lonely, and abused.
We were talking to one woman this past week who was telling us her story, which was very much like ones we’ve heard before, and she summed it up for all the women we’ve listened to with this phrase:
“So, this is how my life is now. It’s complicated.”

It broke my heart. She is unhappy with the man she’s living with right now, for valid reasons, but she couldn’t leave him even if she wanted to. She has 2 young children – 2 years and 1 month old – and doesn’t live anywhere near to her immediate family. She can’t get work anywhere to provide for her kids if she wanted to move out, and she wouldn’t be able to leave with such a small children at home anyway.
We can spend all day talking to her about how she should just press on, that things will work out eventually, that we’re praying for her, that we’ll come visit as often as we can…but the truth is, I’m not completely sure that her situation will change. We can disciple her and give her the hope of Jesus and his grace and forgiveness, but her husband might continue to abuse her.

We want to be able to do something bigger and more meaningful than just talk.

Our dream for Finding Hope is to be able to build a second floor onto the Center for women and children in abusive and dangerous situations. We want to make a safe place for them to feel secure and loved, a place where they can get on their feet and figure out the next steps.

It’s a big dream! We’re not even finished with the first floor, but we want to start praying about how powerfully God can use this building. There are so many logistics to think about and money to raise, and we realize it’s probably a ways into the future.
But we want to ask every person who reads this blog, thinks about Finding Hope, prays for our lives and this town, and is involved in any way to join us in dreaming more HOPE into El Porvenir.

And during the process of building everything, making new connections, and raising funds, please be thinking about and praying for these women who don’t have any other option but to settle.
They are real women with real stories and real lives. Mothers, sisters, wives, aunts, and daughters who are strong, powerful, influential, who love fiercely and live with passion.

“Speak out on behalf of those who have no voice,
and defend all those who have been passed over.
Open your mouth, judge fairly,
and stand up for the rights of the 
afflicted and poor.”

Proverbs 31:8-9

SUPPORT  FINDING HOPE, CLICK HERE

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

The Feels/Los Sentimientos

Hey friends!

Just wanted to send out a little note to say that I am safe and extremely happy in El Porvenir, Honduras.

Hopefully, you received my email update…if not, sign up HERE! The email updates are different than blog updates since they are more facts, prayer requests, praises, and ministry updates. My blog will be more of a place for me to go into depth about things that are on my heart, what I’m learning, and to verbally process.

With that being said, here are the feels for moving to a different country:

I feel so much peace. This was such a perfect decision and completely divine and sovereign. Katlyn and I talked just today about how everything worked out so well for both of us that we experienced big changes. I moved down here and she moved out of the volunteer house where she’s lived in and out for the past 4 years.

We are both sure that God has something really exciting planned for our lives and Finding Hope. There’s something about just trusting a God who is trustWORTHY to take care of your life. A peace that passes understanding, something we have asked for and received.

***

Life is really beautiful here. It’s a very very different atmosphere than what I’m used to, but wonderful in its own way. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes, but content in so many other ways.

I love living right on the beach and being in that Central American, no-schedule, living every moment as it passes kind of life.

I’m working on not having expectations and not living for other peoples’ opinions.

I’m letting Jesus work on my soul, setting it free and shaping it to bring glory to His name.

It’s all about deep breaths, letting go, and holding every moment valuable.

Yes, I sound like a cheap self-help book, but you gotta do what works, right?

***

I am meeting so MANY lovely people. Men, women, young adults, children, and babies from all backgrounds and locations.

Honduras is a little different from Nicaragua…the people are a little shyer, more guarded, polite, but just as loving and welcoming.

Almost everyone uses the formal “usted”, which takes getting used to. I’m used to complete strangers using “vos” with me.

I’m missing Nica and mi gente, but open to the formation of relationships that are just as meaningful and fulfilling.

***

Everything is still so new, so I’m still taking it all in, but I can’t wait to dive in deep with y’all and share my journey.

Thanks as always for reading and caring about my life here in Porvenir.

As always, please contact me with any questions or encouragement that you have.

GO ON AN ADVENTURE!

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Babies that received a bathroom through Honduras Child Alliance, an organization that we partner with.

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My new living space.

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Streets of Porvenir.

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Life without a washing machine is actually a lot of fun!

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Team Finding Hope!

 

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Thoughts on Leadership

These last couple years have held some of the biggest trust lessons I’ve ever grown from.

God is constantly teaching me to not need a reason or explanation…but just to trust Him implicitly. If He says go, I go. If He says stay, I stay. It’s all about the obedience aspect.

One way that He is helping me understand my relationship with Him is by putting leaders in my life and asking me to serve them with my whole heart and with a joyful spirit.

To be completely honest, I have always struggled with authority figures. I have always had this pride that makes me think that I am right, and that I know best.

After making several mistakes where I have really disregarded authority and blamed them for so many of my own problems, God broke down that barrier in a very painful way.

 

I have been on both sides of leadership. Surprisingly, I like being on the servant side a lot more.

See, being a leader requires that you have a very heavy responsibility.

People – real live humans – depend on you. You answer to their problems, their issues, their ugliness, their beauty, their hearts. And it’s HARD. You will always have someone who doubts you, disapproves of your actions/life, or openly mocks you.

 

If there is one thing I could share that you would remember, it is this:
Encourage your leaders, and give them a break!

 

Hebrews 13:17 (ESV) says,

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

 

There is no advantage to us tearing down our leaders and talking badly about them behind their backs. Does that encourage them to lead us better and with more joy and patience?

Truly good leaders answer to God, and God alone. They are not here to be all that you want them to be. If God has trusted them with leadership, He trusts their judgment and discernment.

 

One example I have is of two women that I love and adore with all my heart. Their names are Lisa and Cadence, and they work in Nicaragua as missionaries, heading up a student sponsorship program.

Since I lived with them for more than a year, I saw all the hard work they put into their job and how little they are recognized for it. Lisa and Cadence work long, sometimes 14-hour days, tirelessly speaking with families, writing sponsor updates, handing out school supplies, having hard conversations with kids, tutoring kids, and pouring their hearts out to the community. They have put their lives into this program and setting up the poverty-stricken communities of Candelaria, Santa Matilde, Nuevo Amanecer, and La Isla for success by putting their children in school and promoting education.

The communities have a great love for these two women, and show their gratitude in so many beautiful ways. However, I have seen the ugly side of people as well when they feel as though they know best how sponsorship money should be used.
If they put themselves in Lisa’s and Cadence’s shoes, they would not want the load of work, the ungratefulness, the responsibility, and the long hours.
Even after being lied to, shouted at, dead-tired, and also, I will add, raising financial support to do what they do, these women continue to build and grow this program because they have had a calling to this ministry.
And I know they forget all of the negativity when they get to make those visits to tell a child and their family that they’ve received a sponsor. I’ve been on those visits, and I feel like crying every time I see it happen. The JOY that flows when you tell someone that a person from thousands of miles away saw their picture on the internet and saw something special that they just HAD to support…it is magnificently beautiful.

 

It is incredible how much someone believing in you can do to your self-esteem. When someone believes in you, your soul gets set on fire and you believe that anything is possible. That you can change the world. That God isn’t crazy in His love for you and hope for the best for your life.

 

We as humans are better as a team than a single individual.

 

The Lord already holds leaders to a high standard and they answer to Him.

Our job as servants and followers, members of an organization or congregation is to SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE.

 

Instead of criticizing your leader, encourage them in love. You probably have no idea the amount of work and responsibility they have. You probably don’t know how many people want to talk to them and give their opinion.

 

Spread peace.

Be kind.

Love with your whole heart.

 

Follow Lisa and Cadence’s blogs:

Lisa – http://lisasmith.myadventures.org/

Cadence – http://cadencesnyder.wordpress.com/

 

Sponsor a student through Educate Nica for $25 a month:

http://educatenica.org/

pensamientos.

I always want to blog only when I have something to talk about.
But I’m finding that I really need to just start writing, writing about something, nothing, anything…whatever will start the creativity.

So.
I guess I’ll talk a little bit about the things I’ve been thinking about lately.

  • Love. The lack thereof.
    I find it hard to describe my depression when I see relationships that are killing the souls of two people. I saw it so much in Nicaragua. I feel like there is just no heart connection. People get together because of attraction, or because they’re having a baby together, or because they need someone to provide for them.
    Fidelity was not even a concept to be grasped.
    My heart ached especially for the women, who are used and abused, expected everything of and given nothing.
    Countless times, after saying I’d rather just stay single than be with a man who cheats on me, I was told it was non-existent. That I was crazy thinking that and that I would never find anyone like that.
    How tragic to grow up knowing that’s what you have to look forward to.

    But is it really any better here in the States?
    There is just so much STUFF here that takes the place of time you could be spending with your love.
    And here, I’ve seen so much dissatisfaction. So much giving up after it gets hard. Because “you come first, you are your first priority.”

    So I guess I’m seeing the two extremes, women who are so selfless they let everyone take advantage of it and get trampled to pieces, and women who are so selfish, it’s not worth it to them to fight for hard things.

    Honestly, it makes me cringe to think of committing my life to one single thing. And if it’s just going to be one of these unhappy places, why?

  • Commitment.
    Jesus is teaching me a lot about committing to one single thing and not forgetting about it or leaving it behind as I experience new things every day.
    Specifically in my relationship with Him.

    I’m still trying to figure out how to love Him and praise Him in new ways with every sunrise.
    I know that this is such a mindset of youth, but I wonder if I will ever get bored of it and how I will ever keep things full of passion and life.
    I depend on myself so much in all relationships to be the do-er, to make sure that things aren’t getting dull. It’s stressful.

    He keeps reminding me to shut off my mind and just look with baby eyes at His creation and the little blessings He brings to my hands. He wants to fan the flame of my faith without doing the easy thing and just giving me the black and white truth.
    I think it delights Him when I figure it out on my own and take time to discover His majesty and intricate nature.

  • Faith. Hope.
    “Faith is the assurance of things you have hoped for, the absolute conviction that there are realities you’ve never seen.” – Hebrews 11:1

    It is so easy for me to view hardships and difficult times, depression and anxiety, fears…to see them as punishment for my unwilling heart. I believe I am suffering because I’m not good enough and I’m not doing it right.

    “I will erase their sins and wicked acts out of My memory as though they had never existed.
    When there is forgiveness such as this, there is no longer any need to make an offering for sin.” – Hebrews 10:16-17

    Because of the new covenant, I am set free to accept forgiveness for what I’ve done and hope for a better future. I do not need to feel punished, because that’s not the reality of what’s happening.
    I don’t want to be stuck in one moment, feeling sorry for myself and inflicting damage to my soul out of shame. I want to have faith and hope that the reason I’m passing through hard times is because the Lord is shaping me, growing me, teaching me how to be more like Him.
    He is teaching me to be selfless, to obey Him and authority, and to believe in hope, believe that all things happen for a reason, and believe that things can change.

  • Being me.
    Just because everyone around me thinks a certain way, feels a certain way, and acts a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s right. It doesn’t mean I can’t have hope or love unconditionally because no one else does.
    (I have met and have in my life truly lovely people who are different, who give me hope for a beautiful world. I am merely talking about my feelings on the general population)
    Even if I knew no one who believed the same things as I do, that wouldn’t stop me from feeling how I feel.
    I may not know as much about the Bible and faith and God as someone who’s been to seminary. But I know that Jesus has been the one steady, constant truth in my life.
    I know every time I’ve trusted Him, He’s come through.
    I know when I’ve had no one who loves me, He has.
    I know when I gave everything up to follow His calling, He responded with peace in my soul.
    I know every time I’ve poured out what I’ve felt was the last drop of love in my heart, He refilled me with abundance.

    The older you get, the more people doubt you. It’s hard to not look at people and wonder why they’re not doing what you’re doing.
    I’m trying really hard not to have that kind of view and egotism.
    I love how we’re all different, I embrace the different feels and sentiments and characters and talents.
    So I’m praying that God would show me how we all work together, instead of worrying that people are doing things “right”.

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All that is truly GOOD

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Apparently, people enjoy reading my blogs and email updates because I share my struggles and try to be vulnerable.
If you would have told me 2 years ago that that’s the kind of material I’d be writing, I would have laughed in your face.
I don’t know when in my life I decided to get comfortable with baring my soul to the world, but I guess it happened, and as a result I am seriously filled with freedom.

So without further ado, please let me impart my latest learning experience and where my heart’s at.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter or Facebook, you know that I am in the States now, and this transition has been ROUGH.
I went back to Nicaragua (through the help of your donations and encouragement) for about a month to say my goodbyes and tie up the loose ends I had left behind. Deciding to go back to the States was all so sudden and unexpected, I was kind of caught off guard and I left without really feeling settled in my spirit. So the trip back was really needed.
Going back, I experienced a range of emotions and felt things that I can’t even begin to describe. My heart broke more and more every day that I spent sitting at peoples’ houses, helping with homework, cooking food, playing with children, having deep conversations, loving on my families…
I was falling apart and had absolutely no idea how to control it or keep it together.

I went into this trip with a firm resolve not to count down the days or think about leaving. I was going to live in the moment, concentrate on the here and now, and not worry about how I was going to say goodbye. It worked, almost too well.
When I got to the last couple days, I started panicking. See, I fit in so well in Nicaragua. I honestly could see myself just living there, and having a completely happy life. I was on a bus headed to Managua to get to the airport and I was having serious thoughts about not getting on my plane.
The only thing that kept me going was that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has called me to go to Honduras. Growing up and being an adult means that I can’t just do whatever FEELS good. It might feel good to stay in Nicaragua, but what are the long-term consequences of that? I have already spoken about moving to Honduras, about feeling God’s calling there…so if I had decided to stay, what kind of example is that for my friends in Nicaragua?
It’s a bad one. It’s an example of someone choosing to ignore God and be selfish. That’s what.
I am confident enough in my vulnerability to admit that to you all.

See, I think my main wound of leaving is that in Nicaragua I experienced a kind of love and acceptance I had never felt before, EVER in my life.
Not in the States, not anywhere else.
I built relationships with people who really really cared about me and kept up with my life, wanting to know how I was. And more than that, people wanted to tell me about THEIR lives and wanted to be encouraged and loved on.

So I guess I was angry that God was taking me out of the one place I’ve felt truly accepted and loved and just a good fit. I don’t know if I believe I can find those relationships again and that kind of fulfillment.
But I’m realizing that that’s the problem.
I’m finding my fulfillment in how I FEEL. And how I feel is perhaps different from the truth.
If I truly believe that God is sending me to Honduras (which I do), I know He will provide, and I know things will work out.

Psalm 16, verse 2 says in The Voice version,
“I told You, Eternal One, ‘You are my Lord, for the only good I know in this world is found in You alone.'”

All those truly beautiful, purely good moments and experiences I felt in Nicaragua were from Christ alone. The moments I felt so incredibly blessed and loved and in the Spirit, those were from Jesus.
Since He is calling me to Honduras, there will be more of that good. The only difference is that it will be in a different location.
That good wasn’t happening only because it was in Nicaragua.
God doesn’t change. Locations will, people will, relationships will, but God doesn’t.
I just need to work on trusting Him that He will do all He has promised.

I’m excited to take you all on this journey with me…and I really need the encouragement and support!
I am in the States now, so please let me know if you would like to get together and talk about my past, current, and future missions!
I would love to come share with your church/youth group/bible study/club/school/group/event/etc!

A few pictures from this trip:

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Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

Where is the Love?

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I have been pondering some things lately…stirrings of my heart that need responding to.

I think I’ve really been trying to figure out what my vision for missions in my personal life is these past couple years. I know what I believe and I know what I want to do, but what do I see my role being in bringing the Kingdom to earth?

As I’ve thought about this and started explaining my heart for Central America and this culture, things have started to come together.
Explaining my new adventures and where I’ll be headed as soon as the funding is all set has lead to me being able to verbally process what I really feel in my heart.
And let me preface this with saying that I have talked a lot about, and could continue to keep talking about the joys and beauty and wonderfulness of where I live, but today I want to explain a little bit of the struggles I see here as well.

Here in Central America, most people are religious. A lot had gone to church when they were little. Catholicism is very strong here. From what I’ve seen, the majority believe that there is some sort of God – that there’s someone up in the sky, ruling and watching.
But that’s where any sort of relationship with Him stops.

The legalism in the churches here is insane. Someone catches you slipping up and “sinning” (going against rules they’ve made), you’re done. You’re out of that church and you’ve lost your salvation.

If the church is supposed to represent Christ, and we’re supposed to be His hands and feet in this world, what example is that of His love and gentleness with us? How is that representing His unending grace and mercy for us?

So all that being the case here, especially in these small villages, there is a huge lack of encouragement, support, and unconditional love.
I cannot profess to know everything about God and tell you exactly what His nature is, but I know He is love. I know there is no end to the grace He has for those who want to follow Him and be His people. I know He doesn’t cast us away when we fall short of His perfection.
I know this because I’ve experienced it.

So why is there such a lack of understanding about this aspect of God? A really important aspect!

I have grown up in a church and family that have always loved and supported me unconditionally.
I know my parents would do absolutely anything for me, and that they want to bless me in so many ways even without me asking.
I have been able to understand a loving God because I have had tangible examples of that love in my life.
I have experienced just a small portion of it here on earth, but it helps in the way I view Him and think of Him.

So what if nobody in your life has ever loved you unconditionally?
What if even your family was not a safe place to go to?
What if everybody in your life was constantly judging you, waiting for you to slip up and then gossip about it, looking at your past and not believing in your future, measuring themselves up against you in morality?

How can you believe that there is someone who will never condemn you?

This, I feel, is one of the main struggles of Central America.

Now let me say too that not all families are like this here, and the amount of love I’ve received is incredible.
But even in those places where I’ve been loved, those people are not showing that same love to their own family members.
It makes me feel awkward, and I try to fix it.
However, that has lead to much disappointment as I realize I’m not here to “fix” anything, and honestly I really can’t.

How can you believe in an unconditionally loving God, when no one in your life has ever exemplified that?

For years, the Lord has been speaking to me about how I have the ability to show His love to people. That I carry that part of Him inside my heart.
I’m only just finding out how to really use that and for what specifically.

I believe my calling in missions work to Central America is to show an unconditional love to those who have none.
To encourage, support, and pour life into those who need it desperately.

I want to be a physical representation of Christ to women who are expected to do a million things a day for their families and then are not shown any gratefulness.
I pray my relationships with them will be a place where they can feel rested and encouraged and know I love them as they are.

I want to love and nurture children from the earliest age possible so that deeply ingrained in them would be a knowledge and faith of a God who cares about everything and everyone.
I pray that they would just know there is no other way of living other than living under the love of the Lord.

There is a need for that here, and I’m so deeply blessed to be able to be a part of the Jesus’ restoration of Central America.

My prayer as always is to be wholly and completely wherever I am, and then leave places and not leave any remembrance of Haille’s love behind.

Please, Abba, permeate my work and my life with who You are so that who I am is a representation of Your desire to be in relationship with each beautiful human being you’ve created.

Romans 10:14 (The Voice)
“How can people invoke His name when they do not believe? How can they believe in Him when they have not heard? How can they hear if there is no one proclaiming Him?”

Subscribe to Haille’s NEW Honduras e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes

2014 – Finding Where I’m Supposed To Be

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At this point in my life, at just 20 years, I am tired of building deep relationships and then getting called to move somewhere else. Or having those people move on.

Now, I realize that’s a really beautiful part of life, that we’re all constantly moving and meeting new people, making connections, letting them change you, passing on their memories to others, building and shaping each other, loving many parts of the world.

But I’m not going to say it’s easy.

In this world of constant change and movement, I want something sure and constant in my life.

Jesus fills that void so perfectly, but sometimes (OK, all the time), I need someone physical to talk to about my thoughts about God, the things He’s teaching me, the ways He’s moving…I need to share life with someone.

There hasn’t really been a person for me like that this past year, and so it’s been a little lonely. But the way that God has built me stronger through that, and the way He’s drawn me deeper into our relationship, our romance…it’s made every moment worth it.

It’s been the hardest, but best year of my life so far.
I can only hope and pray that this next year goes beyond everything I’ve experienced and takes me farther into understanding and wisdom and love with my Savior.

Which brings me to my plans…

I realize I have been saying pretty much all this year that I’m planning on being in Nicaragua with New Song indefinitely.

Well, things have changed a little bit.

Over these last few months, I began to feel a restlessness in my heart.

I was in such denial about it because I truly love the Nicaraguan people with all of my heart and could never imagine leaving them.

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They have affected me in more ways than explain. They have shown me a genuine unconditional love that I’ve never felt before. I finally fit in someplace and felt settled.

After feeling the first touches of this restlessness, I had thoughts of,
“What if I acted on this? How crazy would it be if I just left without having a plan? How much faith and trust would that be? But I couldn’t do it…I’m not able to leave without knowing what I’m doing next. That would be way too stressful…”

God is funny like that.

Every day I felt more and more pressure to figure out what I was going to do with these thoughts.
Eventually, it all came to a head, and in one tearful, anxious, stressful night of fighting against my own will and fearful nature, I made the decision.

And the peace I experienced afterwards confirmed everything I had decided.

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I committed to spending a year at New Song, helping out in whatever ways I could, becoming part of the community, loving on the people, and being part of the team of people who make things happen.

Although I thought I would be there indefinitely, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is calling me to move on and trust Him to provide for me in a time of uncertainty.

I honestly don’t know where that is right now. I have no idea of what country I want to be in, other than I don’t want it to be the States.

I do know, however, what kind of ministry I want to be doing.

Working at New Song was such a good experience of being able to be in training – watching other experienced missionaries in action, learning from them, seeing how an organization works, being part of a team.

I worked mostly in worship, which I love…it’s my heart. It’s what I was created to do. But I’m finding that leading is just not my gifting, and I’m way better at supporting someone who has really great ideas and motivation. I will always love music, and it will always be a huge part of my life and ministry, but I’m not a leader.

After a lot of prayer, contemplation, and listening to the Lord, I have found the ministry that really brings me the most life, that makes me feel like I am living out what I was created for, is caring for babies/small children.

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I have a nurturing heart.

I love to love.

My heart aches for the children who will grow up with nobody stable in their lives whose sole commitment is to raising them in a Holy Spirit filled, nurturing, loving environment.

I want to be that.

I want to raise children in a spirit of continual thankfulness and awareness of the majesty and greatness of God.

I want to impress on them that staying true to who you were created to be is so important, and that the creativity of God has made them such special and precious individuals they should be proud of.

I want to introduce the lifestyle of finding Jesus’ blessings, his little gems and treasures, in every moment so that we are constantly in awe of how GOOD God is and how much He cares for us. In that, for me personally, when I begin to understand how much He loves me and every detail is important to Him, I want to live a life worth His sacrifice.

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So…I kind of have that figured out a little bit…

But where?

I am still trying to figure that out.

If you have any contacts that you know are searching for someone like me, would you let me know?

I am willing to travel anywhere.

I’m ready for a new adventure!

Until I find where God is calling me to next, it looks like I’ll be hanging out Michigan for awhile, working and just listening to where I’m supposed to be.
Grow where you’re planted, right?
If this is where God wants me for a little break, this is where I’ll be.

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I do, however, have plans to go back to Nicaragua for about a month, just to say my final goodbyes and tie up all my loose ends.
I definitely am going to need some support financially to make this last trip happen, which I believe is really important. After all the time I’ve spent there, I need to tell these beautiful people how much they really mattered in my life, and leave blessings with them.

If you are interested in supporting, here are some specifics that you would be a DOLL to help me out with:

  • Buy my plane ticket ($400 round trip)
  • Ship the rest of my belongings that I left in Nicaragua back home ($150)
  • Food/Lodging/Additional Expenses (about $300)

I cannot thank you all enough for the support I’ve received this past year.
Nicaragua wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for your prayers, finances, encouragement, and belief in my hopes and dreams.

I hope we can continue to be partners in this ministry God has called me to. It is far from over and I can’t wait to share at the end of 2014 what adventures I’ve been on and what huge new things I’ve experienced.

And now, on to the important things:

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