I had a friend ask a really interesting question, and I was kind of uncomfortable that I didn’t know how to answer it in the moment, so I spent some time figuring it out. He asked me what was solidified as truth in my heart that God is good, and is good to me.
I’ve come to realize over the past few years that it’s not about the outward situations. It’s not about what’s going on in my life or what is working and what’s not. The circumstances that happen to me aren’t what define God and who He is to me. I lived so long subconsciously believing that what happened to me was either a reward or a punishment for my choices and actions. But I’m starting to believe that that’s not the way it works. My true purpose in life is to grow closer to my creator, I want to spend my life getting to know Him. And the more I’ve gotten to know Him (which is so little in the big picture), the more I see His goodness is found in who He is, not in what He allows to happen. And each time I get beaten down by the world, it’s an opportunity to get even closer, to trust Him in the midst of pain. I have to remember that I will never truly understand how He works while living in my human body and thinking with my human mind. I’ve spent a lot of time meditating on 2 Corinthians 4:18: “So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
and 5:7-9 “For we walk by faith, not by sight, and we are confident and satisfied to be out of the body and at home with the Lord. Therefore, whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to be pleasing to Him.”
I truly believe on of the best ways we can be pleasing to Him is by seeking Him, spending time understanding His ways, and looking for new aspects of His nature. I’ve never been disappointed by anything new I’ve found out about Him.
I’ve read a lot of verses about how we need to trust God and you know, not lean on our own understanding, but I couldn’t do that until I truly believed that He was trustworthy. And that was built up by a lot of time being quiet and listening. I spent (spend) a lot of time asking questions and asking Him to come. And reading Psalm upon Psalm upon Psalm.
Now, instead of asking God, “why are you letting this happen to me?”, I can trust it’s just part of the process. I know God loves me. I know He is good to me. And I know that it’s not a goodness that depends on my actions. It’s who He is. I still ask WHY sometimes, but it’s more curiosity. What can I learn from this experience? Where do you want me to grow?
I can’t tell you I’m like this 100% of the time. There are moments when I feel too broken to say even one word. But I can tell you that even in those moments I never feel alone or abandoned.
I hope this doesn’t give the impression to anyone that I think I have it all figured out. Ooooohhh man I know I’m not even close. But I’m excited that this is the beginning, and there’s so much more to learn.