A Renewing of My Heart

So let me tell you about this conference I went to in Matagalpa this past week. It was held by Bethel church of Reddington, CA, specifically their School of the Supernatural. Lisa, Cadence, and I went since it was mostly intended for the leaders of different organizations and churches in Nicaragua

The very first night of the conference, the lady who was in charge of the Bethel team, Julie Peters, preached on asking the Lord for things…you know, like not just assuming that He knows everything (which He does), but having that relationship with him that you are comfortable with asking for his gifts and believing you are worthy to receive them. So she asked us, “What are you craving from God? What is it that you want so much?”
I’ve been thinking and praying lately in some promises that God’s given me. Promises that I’ve been carrying for over a year now. And I knew that’s what I needed to start praying for, what I was CRAVING from God. I’ve had my time of waiting, and it’s been so good in growing patience in my heart and learning from God about waiting. After praying about it a lot, I feel in my heart like it’s time to start asking God to start completing those promises. I will still wait tirelessly and patiently, but it’s time to start asking.

So that started off the conference. Worship was amazing every time, some really gifted Nicaraguans led it. My heart was so full and open to all the teachings and spirit moments that we had. God worked through a lot of MESSY things that were going on my heart. Like, the fact that sometimes, I still feel replaceable, and it really hurts still. It’s a pain that’s very deep in my soul that God is wanting to bring a deeper healing to. I hadn’t realized that until a situation came up that I felt so very replaced. I’m working on finding where my worth really lies. Like really. I can say where I want it to lie but if I don’t believe it, I’m not living in the truth and it just gives me more feelings of frustration.

My earlier feelings and prayers about God’s promises for my life were incredibly confirmed later on in the week when a couple of people really spoke into my life about how they saw my spirit and where God had me in my life. What they both said was that ever since they had met me or seen me, they just saw rainbows. Rainbows and color and life. And what do rainbows signify? PROMISES. Right? They said that they see the holy spirit in me in a very distinct way, that I have the characteristics of the holy spirit. I just keep getting told that my voice is powerful.  And then things with kids. A Nicaraguan pastor came up to me after a session one day and said he had some words for me from God that he had to share. He said I have a prophetic calling on my life that is very evident. I will raise children (not necessarily my own) that will grow up to be great, influential people, like presidents. Later on in the week a member of the Bethel team prayed for me and told me that all he could see were little children just clinging to me, holding on and needing to be with me. None of these people knew me all that well and definitely didn’t know my story, my hopes, dreams, and plans. I had so much encouragement about worship as well, and a lot of people who just really believed in my dreams and purpose for being here and influencing the worship program.

It was all just so much wonderfulness…and you know, I absolutely prayed about all of it and didn’t just take it at anyone’s word. I firmly believe in not just assuming that someone’s word is true, because we’re all humans and make mistakes, but all their words were things that confirmed what I had already heard from God or things I’ve been hearing numerous times.

God put this new joy in my heart from my time at the conference. He showed me so much of his goodness and gloriousness and all about how he is SOVEREIGN. Also, that I put all my trust in him alone and look to him for help and solace.

After my time at the conference, I feel very refreshed and rejuvenated in my relationship with the Lord. Renewed in the purpose he placed in my heart and excited to begin anew in his plans.

I walked away with a freer spirit, a deeper relationship with God, healing from past hurts, and hope for my future.

God is Good!

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