Falling into the Depths, into Infinity

The thing about love, or any other feeling really…

If you’ve never experienced it, you don’t understand it.

There are complexities that you can’t even begin to know to include in your expectations.

There are depths,
OH THE DEPTHS.

There are layers….so many layers.

The changes of the heart,
The countless emotions.

***

My understanding of God started so simply, as all great loves do.

He was righteous, powerful, mighty, just, loving…

There were ways to include Him in my life, to let Him be a part of my human experience.

There was my everyday God, the knowledge of something greater above me, around me, inside me. Something looking out for my good and holding my life in His hands.
I was aware of His presence.

I also had a God who touched me at times, squeezed my heart a little tighter than I was used to. This brought tears sometimes, an emotional tearing down of self-built walls.
Spiritual highs…as they like to say at Bible camp.

There were the two experiences.
The two sides of God.
The two levels I could feel.

But there had to be more to be felt.

As I spent time intentionally inviting the Spirit to come and show me the Father’s heart, the undoing began.

I thought He was a finite God…I thought He could be contained in the walls of my understanding.

I never knew I could be loved in so many ways, forms, and fashions.
I never knew I could be so excited to see what new way the Lord was going to show me His heart.

The experiences that I have been opening myself up to lately have been absolutely rocking my world. Shaking the very earth beneath my feet.

I’m almost a little ashamed to say I’m just now realizing how much I don’t understand the infiniteness of God’s love.
How very simple.
How very quaint.

The deepness of ABBA is immense.
I feel like I could drown in it.
And I think that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

I’m working on taking down the barriers of my expectations of God, the things holding me back from letting Him be infinite, and letting Him in His timing show me each layer.

He is vast, and large, and impossible to contain.

My union with Him is the greatest, most marvelous treasure I’ve ever wanted and had as my own.

***

The dream of my heart that I’ve been praying over these past few months is to become a person Pure of Heart.
I want to naturally want things of the Lord.
I want it to be easy to want to be a genuinely good person.

And I think,
the way that God is transforming me, little piece by little piece,
is by covering me in His bigness.
Overcoming me with His presence.
Opening my mind to the infinite.
Guiding me into a place of losing myself for all that He is.

Oh, the Wonder of it all.

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