Heart Vomit

OH MAN.

These past couple months.

I don’t even know where to start.

Actually, I’d really like to start by saying I am OVER-JOYED to announce that we have come up with COMPLETE funding for my precious Alan David to get his MRI taken to find out if a tumor in his leg is cancerous or not. A HUGE thank you to Jessalyn Bradfield for raising the money! Read about what happened to him at the end of this blog.

1078933_10200944325083613_1273533181_oJesus knew I needed a miracle with this one. I spent some time today interceding in prayer for various situations that have been/are still going on in my life and lives of those that I love. One of which was Alan, and the fact that we didn’t have the money to take him to get an MRI for his leg. I have seen the X-rays, I know how bad it looks. I just need to know how bad it really is. I am confident that God can and will heal Alan, but we NEEDED to get a move on with the medical procedures.
So after I had prayed for awhile, I tried to take a nap as I wasn’t feeling so great. I couldn’t sleep so I decided to check my e-mails. The first thing that popped up was an e-mail from Jessalyn saying that 45 minutes after she posted a fund-raiser on Facebook, the entire amount had been raised. I sat there crying, marveling at the goodness of God and this huge answer to prayer.
Please continue in your prayers for Alan and his family as we begin to move forward and start going to appointments and getting good or bad news. There is a purpose and a plan in all this, I truly believe, and God is at work.

Another thing y’all could be praying for is I am getting hit over and over again with different sicknesses and illnesses and infections and such. Migraines, stomach pain, skin infection, cold, cough…all in the past week and a half. It just adds to all the emotional struggles I’ve been having and makes me a real miserable person to be around. Not to mention I have had more things stolen this week than I have in my entire time I’ve been living in Nicaragua.

August started with Brandon leaving and me taking over Worship completely. It’s gone well so far, and although I had been looking to this time with hesitancy and fear of failure, I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with it all. Me taking over 100% means I am responsible for all practices, picking out songs, setting up the stage, playing the music by myself, and dealing with any issues that might come up. The thing that was the most met with trepidation by me was playing piano all by myself and that being the only music. But this is a great opportunity for me to grow more in the music aspect of worship since I have been absent from it for awhile. Once I found out my true love is singing, piano got pushed to the side for so long, especially since I was extremely spoiled with AMAZING musician friends. I am excited for this new season and the way God is already working in unity and vulnerability within our team.

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And now the real messy stuff. This is titled Heart Vomit for a reason.
I have been struggling emotionally lately. To be completely honest, I have been feeling really useless and replaceable.
These are feelings that have plagued me my entire life and have been the cause of much strife and depression.
I really thought I had worked it all through with God, but He is trying to take me into a deeper place of healing.
I feel stuck in some ways. I want to move forward but I don’t know where the Lord wants me. I don’t want to move backwards though and mess anything up. I am really actually a control freak if you haven’t figured that out by now. Hi, welcome to my life.
I have been fighting against community, against making an effort to be involved and not wanting to be the first one to make a move.
My heart aches for someone to live here and want to be with me and understand me.
I love and cherish my time with the people I live with and work with but I just don’t have that relationship with anyone here.
I want to be needed and wanted and desired.
I get upset too easily when people aren’t perfect.
This is who I am and what I’m going through now and it seems impossibly hopeless.
I feel like I’m wandering a lot right now emotionally and just NEEDING and CRAVING a place to rest and take a break from all the mental tension I’m unnecessarily putting on myself.

Thankfully, my Jesus cares for me in unfathomably perfect ways and is just preparing me for times that I will need to be stronger than what I think I’m capable of right now. So He puts things like today’s Jesus Calling right in front of my face for me to find hope and life.

“Understanding with never bring you peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems….My Peace is into an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually you are always enveloped in my Peace…”

It’s as simple as this: The Lord is preparing me for something greater than I can imagine. You can be sure the enemy would love nothing more than to stop this grand purpose and have his way with my life. But God promises this will not come to pass if I rely on my faith and trust in Him,

“…the Lord is true to His promises; He will hold you up and guard you against the evil one….May the Lord guide your hearts into God’s pure love and keep you headed straight into the strong and sure grip of the Anointed One.”
– 2 Thessalonians 3:3 & 5

Pray for my heart please.
Jesus is renewing it and re-starting the fire he placed in it from the day I was created.
I love my life with everything inside me but nobody ever promised me it would be easy.
Life as a missionary in a village in a third world country was never going to be an easy thing.
But it’s worth it. It’s SO worth it.
Every victory over-shadows any discouragement that’s come along.
I believe with all my soul that GOOD WILL WIN.
The victory is ours.

Subscribe to Haille’s Nicaragua e-mail updates

Thank you for your continued support of the journey God’s put me on! If you would like to see pictures, feel free to add me on FaceBook. They upload faster on there. If you feel led to make a donation, there are a few ways you can go about that:

1. Write a check and send to Life Church. Make check out to Life Church, put Haille Krieg in the memo line, and send to 7001 Haggerty Rd, Canton MI 48187

2. Send money electronically through Life Church’s PayPal account. You can find that here: http://www.lifechurchcanton.org/#/about-life/financial-contributions. Make sure you specify that it’s for Haille Krieg.

3. Set up an Elexio account to have an amount taken out of your bank account each month. Log into Elexio Pulse https://lifechurch.elexiopulse.com and click on the “My Giving” link to the far right, you’ll see not only your history in giving, you’ll see a large link in the upper left that says “click here to Give Online”.  If you don’t have an Elexio account you will go to the above link and click on “need an account?” and follow the prompts.

All donations are tax deductible, which is one of the reasons for me going through my church. Life Church does send out donation statements for your tax purposes.

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